I have some theories on it. I think we are all too scared to tell people the truth, because (a) it means admitting we're not perfect, (b) we don't want to scare others out of having children, or (c) some of these things are just way too embarrassing to mention.
I'd like to add some things to the list from a female perspective (sorry if I give a little too much information, but that's kind of the point - they're the things no one seems to want to talk about):
After giving birth, you can't sit down with any level of comfort for weeks. Or without an ice pack on your hoo-hoo.
The bleeding also lasts for weeks. I thought it would be a little bit for a few days, like a period, but no. It was heaps and lasted for ages.
Everyone gives you different information, including especially the midwives at the hospital. I say take the advice you like the sound of best. For example, one midwife told us to wake Abbey every three hours to feed her, while another advised us to let her sleep. Guess which one I listened to? (refer to this post where I mentioned my baby weighed close to ten pounds - she wasn't going to fade away overnight).
Whilst some people tell you to sleep when the baby is sleeping, not everyone shares this view. I had an older nurse in the hospital telling me to stop being so lazy, when I curled up on the hospital bed with my 24-hour-old baby asleep in my arms. Gee, sorry.
It is actually possible to sleep through your baby crying. Sometimes you are so exhausted, you really do sleep through anything (well, I am anyway. Luckily for Abbey, she has a light-sleeping father.).
Everyone says that breastfeeding can be difficult to establish, but no one ever tells you it's also possible for it to be really easy. Especially when you want it to be hard so you have an excuse not to do it.
Lots of people will judge you. They will judge whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, cuddle the baby or use other sleeping methods, use a cot or a cradle or choose to co-sleep. But the judgments seem to become worse as the child gets older. You just learn to care less (hopefully).
Your values may change. You do grow as a person. And you are surprised by the love you feel for that little person, who is completely dependent on you. (OK, maybe I was told this part, but I didn't really believe it, or know the extent of it).
Megan
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9 comments:
Oh how true. I remember bleeding for months after my babies! No one ever thought to mention it! And I found breast feeding so hard. I just couldn't go through with it. But yes you do get judged a lot but with experience it gets easier to dismiss what people think of you. I know in my heart I am a good mother. Whether I breast or bottle feed it makes no difference to the end result xx
mmmm the ice pack on your hoo-hoo hey? totally looking forward to that part! :o)
I agree, some people LOVE to share all the gory details (I actually remember some very descriptive conversations in your living room - not from you as you were still "pre-Abbey") whereas others keep it to themselves. I know one friend who declared to me "My Husband and I swore to each other we would never speak of what we saw that day!" Too funny... but she was quite serious!
Each to their own... but I know you have offered me as much or as little information as I am willing to hear! You know, I really appreciate that and totally think that is the very best approach!
NannaMel xo xo
Great post Megan. This is all so true.
With my first, the midwives seriously confused and stressed me out. One would come in and say, "He's making a clicking noise when he's feeding. He's not attached properly." Then during the next feed, another would walk in and say, "No. That means he's drinking the milk." AAAAGHHH!
It was SO much more relaxing after my 2nd. People worry about having more kids - how hard the work is. Often people say to me, "How do you do it? How do you handle three?"
I always say the same thing: "The first is the hardest. Having 3 when I know what I'm doing is MUCH easier."
so true. Love it
I remember with my first child, I went out and got some fab pj's and popped them on just after giving birth, came out of the shower, walked into the birth suite and woosh, flooded myself. Stooped me and thinking it was going to be all marshmallows and ranibows I guess, but yes I think a little heads up would help a lot of people :)
Sorry, stoopid me.
That last comment has hit home with me. I felt paralysed with judgement for the first few months. I was just trying to find me feet, and things weren't going as I would have liked... and everyone had a comment.
I just wanted to figure it out for myself. I knew what I was doing, I just need the time to do it.
This is a beautiful list. Thanks for sharing and being honest. I think you're right, people don't talk about it enough. xx
The lovely Jodie at Mummy Mayhem sent me this post and I have to say I'm glad she did! While everything on that list scares the beejesus out of me, I think it's good to have lots of info!
Maybe ask me to say that again when I'm pregnant and freaking out with what's going to happen!
Great post!
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