There is one aspect of parenting that I struggle with. I've been struggling with it from day one, and still am to this day.
It's the social aspect.
Not for me - I have plenty of friends I can talk to about parenting. I mean for Abbey.
She does have lots of kids around her - she has six cousins, five of whom she sees regularly - and my friends' children. But they're all older and, while she loves older kids, I think it's also important for her to play with kids her own age.
That's where the problem is.
The mothers' group to which we were assigned in the early days was a big fat failure. So, while other mums go to playgroups with their mothers' groups, we didn't have that option.
We made some friends at our pre-natal classes, and we still see them, but it's very irregular. They are the only kids her age that Abbey really gets to play with.
A few months ago, I took her to a playgroup fairly close by, but I've only been able to make it a couple of times since. The other mums were lovely and the kids were all around Abbey's age, but the morning it falls on is often a bad time for me (I've had work obligations and other things on). So that hasn't really worked either.
The only other thing she has is swimming lessons, but that's not exactly a time to play with other kids.
I'd love your advice. If you're a parent - how often did your kids see others their age when they were little? Is it a vital thing to do regularly?
Am I a bad mother if I just have her playing at home by herself or with me and Steve most of the time? And if the only kids she sees regularly are older than her?
Of course, I know that she's a happy child, but should I be encouraging her social skills a bit more (not that they seem at risk of any problems - she's not exactly shy and reserved!). Am I raising my child to be a hermit like her mum?!
Megan
12 comments:
She's sooooo cute!!!
I'm not a Mum, so I got nothing, sorry. Bet she's got a super active imaginary life and will therefore grow up to be AMAZING and individual!
Megan, I think you have nothing to fret about, at all.
Your post suggests to me that she is being exposed to a wide range of social situations, as well as activities.
When she is starting kindy, maybe that is when she is exposed "full time" to the social rules of her own age group - 'till then, she sounds like she is having a ball!
Don't stress - she'll be fine. You're getting her out there and she's still very young. They don't really get the BFF thing going until school., as Lucy said. If she's happy then you're more than halfway there.
Completely agree with Allison and Lucy. My kids have grown up on a farm and, before they were old enough for school, they really only got to see kids their own age on the one day a week, that I went to town. I did put them into childcare for that half a day, so they would see kids their own age. My siblings didn't have any kids at that stage and it wouldn't have mattered if they did, because they're all about 2,000km away from me. My kids (my daughter in particular) is a very social little girl. Hayden is more like his father and happy in to be in his own space, without anyone around, but that's his personality, not because he missed out on socialising with his peers.
Oooooh the 'social aspect' is surely the hardest bit of parenting! You just want your kids to be loved and happy by their peers... later. She looks really little yet and I think she's definitely getting enough friendship potentials in. If she's happy, then you be happy too! Don't fret, mama.
This is an area I struggle with too. Even when we do see kids Sebastian's age he is so much more confident that he steam rolls (or hits them). It's the one area I feel guilt over. We don't see cousins often but when we do he adores them and they're all a fair bit older - 4 is the closest in age vs 22 months. I even considered child care just for the socialisation but surely that's daft? I look forward to everyone's advice. xo
I worry about this too, it's actually one of the biggest reasons behind us trying for another baby. My daughter doesn't have any cousins near her age (15 year difference), so the only time she gets to play with her peers is at daycare. She's very happy there, and I think the socialisation has done her good.
I think your gorgeous girl is fine. Socialising with a range of people, different ages is really good. It's not like she never has contact with the outside world. When she starts kinder she will have plenty of kids the same age, and developmentally speaking, children don't start to play with each other until at least 3-4 years of age. Before that they play along side other children, but still in separate imaginary/role play worlds.
If you are worried, childcare is an option... but really, it seems to me Abbey has enough social time. Being able to be self contained is a great skill to have too.
Social skills need practice, and role modelling, Abbey is getting both.
I could write an essay on this topic as a comment... but I wont bore you with that! But, if you want to talk more, feel free to contact me. :)
Don't stress... she'll be at kindy before you know it. That said, I do think that mothers groups are incredibly valuable for both mums and kids. Maybe you just haven't found the right group for you. My advice is to keep looking!!
I love that photo...she is soooo cute!!
And I can totally relate to what you're saying here.
I was worried all the time about my first having enough social contact with kids his age. We had friends with kids that same age so he did get a lot of social interaction with his own age group. (Even though I would have been happy to stay home with him, I actively made sure he had lots of playmates.)
To be honest, it was more trouble than it was of value sometimes. Lots of very small children who don't 'get' sharing is a nightmare.
Now that I have another child, we don't see nearly as many children her age. She'll be going to kindy 2 days a week next year and there she'll have heaps of social contact.
I learnt from no.1 that it goes so quickly, what you're doing is plenty. You don't need to worry!! xx
I dunno Megan. For me, it's a neccesity because I'm a highly social person, so my kids just kinda get dragged along for the ride. And most of my friends have kids the same age.
But seriously, I wouldn't worry. I doubt it will do her any harm- how many kids grow up in situations where they just don't have other kids round a lot? As long as she gets that social practice somewhere, I'd say no issue.
Thank you everyone, for all your wonderful advice - I feel much better about things now!
M xx
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