The Clean Truth

If your whites are still white, you’re not doing it properly.

Camping, that is. In fact, you shouldn’t even TAKE whites if you’re heading off on a camping trip.

When we camp, we really camp. I mean a tent by a river, washing by way of a swim in said river, cooking over a campfire, and visiting the bush with a shovel in hand every so often. If there is a toilet, electricity, other people in sight, access that we consider too simple, or cooking facilities, we feel stifled and mumble that we’d be better off at home.

There is dirt galore.

The only white thing we take camping is our dog. Being a white Labrador, Taylor is filthy a few moments before we arrive at the campsite. Or at least that’s how it seems, because she’s a blur of speed and excitement as soon as she jumps out of the car and the next time I see her, she’s already brown.

So, really, we’ve broken the rule before the esky is even open.

It doesn’t get any better. Taylor will spend an entire camping trip in the dirt: running, eating, swimming, eating, running some more, eating (she is a Labrador), and eventually lying down. In the dirt. And eating the dirt. Because, despite our attempts at providing a bed for her, she seems to find the ground much more appealing.

I think she enjoys being a chocolate-coloured Lab for a short time. I guess we all need a change every now and then.

The ‘no whites (except for the dog)’ rule applies to all clothing. No white t-shirts, definitely no white jackets or, even worse, pants, or white hats. Considering I struggle to keep white things clean even in my house, which is predominantly free of dirt, this is a wise rule when camping.

The rule also applies to children – especially to children – and babies.

My daughter came on her first camping trip at the tender age of six weeks. It was the best time to take her, really: she wasn’t moving and she didn’t require food (except for milk, of course). She had no choice but to lie in my arms and watch the world go by. Or, more to the point, feed and sleep with a few minutes of world-watching here and there. Simple.

My biggest mistake was dressing her in white jumpsuits for the entire trip. Why had I not thought to bring any other colour? I can only use the oldest excuse in the book: baby brain.

I guess I thought that since she wasn’t moving she wouldn’t be able to get dirty. But I forgot that the people holding her all the time – my husband and I – would have dirt on us. And when we weren’t holding her? She’d be lying in the tent, which was bound to attract its fair share of dirt. Or in her bouncinette, which would be sitting directly atop a dirty ground.

Hence, I should have foreseen the end of my baby daughter’s beautiful little white Bonds jumpsuits. I threw them out when we returned home; they were so brown that it wasn’t even worth the effort.

Camping with children is fun, but remember: the ‘no whites’ rule applies to the entire family. And if you have a white dog? Just don’t expect to see it white until you return home.


Megan