Guest Post: The One Where Lori Takes A Gun To School

Continuing this week of guest posts is the gorgeous and hilarious Lori from Random Ramblings of a stay-at-home-mum, sharing her funniest 'bad student' moment when she, um, took a gun to school...

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Whoa.

Let me begin by saying- chill out. Yes, the title of the post is correct- I took a gun to school. But it wasn't a real one...

Allow me to tell you the story. It goes down as one of the dumbest things I have ever done.

Now, before we begin, a preface- all this happened before the very tragic events at Columbine. Had this had taken place after Columbine, I would like to think I would not have been stupid enough to take a replica pistol onto school grounds.While I am guilty of doing some really, really stupid things sometimes, I'm almost positive I'm not that dumb.

Here's hoping.

Anyway. Flashback to early 1999. A soundtrack, you say? Don't mind if I do.







I'm 17. I wear Doc boots and stripey socks to school, with my skirt rolled up as high as it will go, and boxer shorts underneath. I always wore my school tie (how punk!) and had my hair in little buns or pigtails. I listened to Triple J. And thought I was very, very cool.

I was doing my HSC at school. I sucked at maths, I was good at English. My favorite subject, the only one I really cared about, was drama. I was pouring my heart and soul into an eight minute monologue based on the movie Natural Born Killers. Remember that movie? It was a bit twisted. I loved it. I took the story, took Juliette Lewis' character, and made it my own.

And that's where the gun comes in.

I don't even remember where I got the stupid thing. I think my boyfriend-at-the-time (Eyebrow Piercing Dude) bought it from the markets for $2. It was matte black molded plastic. It didn't even shoot caps or water or potato pellets or anything. It just sat there, looking all gun-like.

Lori, circa 1998. Don't I look sweet...? (Apart from the over-plucked eyebrows..?)

And I took it to school. Totally. Innocently. Really. As a prop. As a piece, to go with the character I was playing in my monologue. I know that seems hard to believe, but remember this was before Columbine. Before you were actually afraid that someone would bring a real gun to school.

I got as far as roll call.Five minutes after the bell rang. That was when I started (stupidly) bragging to my mates. And (stupidly) pulled that black plastic gun out of my bag.

Things kind of went downhill from there.

My roll call teacher confiscated the gun and phoned the principal, with the chorus of my friends defending me in the background ("But sir!! It's for a drama project! She needs it!!). The principal stormed in five minutes later and announced to the teacher and the whole class that a student who "pulled this sort of stunt would most definitely be expelled".

And that point, we cue Lori, bursting into hysterical sobbing. Despite the occasional bad stuff I'd done- smoking at school, wagging school to smoke, wagging school to smoke and watch old Patrick Swayze movies- I'd never been in Big Trouble before. I'd never been suspended. From memory, I think I had a handful of after-school detentions. And that was it.

I was marched up to principal's office. Still crying. Parents called. Still crying. Drama teacher called. Still crying.

Half an hour later, I was sitting the office with my grandmother (in lieu of my parents), the drama teacher and the principal. Still crying. Trying desperately to explain my own stupidity. And save myself from being expelled.

In the end, there was a loophole, and I leaped through it. Replica weapons are forbidden during HSC drama exams (after a very unfortunate incident with a stressed out student and a real, not fake, handgun, which may or may not be the stuff of urban legend). But, our drama teacher had never given us a copy of said HSC guidelines. How was I to know that I couldn't use a gun as a prop..? (Once again remembering this is before Columbine.)

 Looking slightly more bad arse. But hardly a member of the TrenchCoat mafia.

And this leaves the ridiculously proud and headstrong principal in a precarious predicament, given that she's already announced to a whole classroom full of kids and a teacher that she's going to expel me. Her happy medium was a suspension. For the rest of the day. So, I returned to school the very next day. Obviously, without the gun.

My father, being the over-dramatic type, wanted to go all hell-for-leather and start suing people and trying to avenge my good name. He was most worried that this would go on my (dunnn dun dunnnnn) Permanent Record.

I'm pleased to report I've yet to be turned down from a job, or a place at university, or a car loan, because I once bought a plastic gun to school.

So.. there you go. Not quite as hard-core as it first sounds. It goes down as one of the stupidest things I've ever done. And, thankfully, absolutely the worst thing I ever did in high school.

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Thanks Lori! Don't forget to visit Lori's blog, Random Ramblings of a stay-at-home-mum and chat to her on Twitter.