I don't remember a time in my life when I wasn't dreaming of being a writer.
Not long ago, I found some books at my parents' house. Blyton, Dahl, Klein... all with my childish signature in the front. From as far back as my memory goes, my favourite game was pretending to be an author signing copies of my books.
Every time I walked into a bookshop I'd imagine my own books sitting on the shelves. I'd wonder what it would feel like to see someone buy a copy.
All my life, I've heard of people achieving their dreams and changing their lives - and I've smiled the smile of someone who knows that's what her own life will hold. One day.
And then I'd get on with my life, trying to forget it all and be good old sensible me. Because that's who I am. Right?
I never told anyone any of this. It was far too silly for reliable me.
Being able to say that I want to be a writer was my main purpose for starting this blog. It was a 'now or never' moment in my life and I realised it was worth a shot.
Here I am, giving it my best.
I even have my daughter in childcare two days each week so that I can focus on my dream. That's a big thing for me - having someone else look after my child so that I can do what I sometimes think of as a 'very selfish' goal. And in clearer moments, see as me regaining some sanity, and showing my daughter that a combination of dreaming and working hard can pay off.
Because, having a dream is one thing, but DOING it is a whole other story.
Talking about having always wanted to write sounds great, doesn't it? Daydreaming in bookshops and playing funny games is all well and good. But making the time to do it, to live my dream and actually write is, well, quite confronting.
To sit here for two full days each week, to have time to do nothing but write actually makes me feel quite a bit of pressure. Make it good, write something amazing, get published, earn money to pay for said childcare and validate this decision - these are the things that go through my mind.
But, when all is said and done, I'm writing and I'm having successes - and I'm having fun. It's time to shake off that feeling of pressure, shrug away the sensible worries and just enjoy the ride.
I really relate to this - thanks for sharing it and in doing so, helping me feel more human. I've been at my desk pretty much all day working while bliss has been in childcare and I am still sitting here clicking away. Thanks Megan, you are a wonderful writer and an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI've considered putting my boy in childcare for one day a week so that I can blog - for me it's not because I want to be a writer but because I enjoy it, it keeps me sane and it's also giving me a little bit of pocket money. Not enough to pay for the childcare though so it hasn't happened!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to buy your book, Megan, I hope you'll sign it for me.
Great post- I identified with a LOT of this.Since I've been published people sometimes ask what "writing advice" I have- but all I have is just be sure you enjoy it. Getting freelance pieces publoshed can be tough; getting a book out there is even tougher, and even if you do you're going to get a truckload of rejections and bad reviews along the way. You have to love it enough to do it regardless. Luckily, it seems you do!
ReplyDeleteGood on you Megan for living the dream, for having the courage to that plunge. So many people don't even try, let alone succeed. Look at what you've already achieved!
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree with you more, my darling. And what do they say - you can always edit words, you can't edit no words.
ReplyDeleteWrite write write because you love it and need to do it, not because you need to 'produce something'. You write so well anyway - trust... and it will all flow.
And I also have those same kind of books with my childhood name written inside! too cute.
"Having a dream is one thing, but doing it is a whole other story"
ReplyDeleteNow I'm remembering a dream I used to have.
Where's that careers section of the newspaper got to....?
I hear you xx
ReplyDeleteUnderstand utterly. The past few days I have put my head down and buried myself in pitches, developing ideas and working towards delivering my dream. Over the past year I've read your blog with huge admiration because you've always seemed so clear and focused. I look forward to buying autographed copies of your books very, very soon x
ReplyDeleteI think booking your girl into childcare is actually THE most sensible decision, because it actually means you have the time to write. It's not selfish - you're trying to forge a career change into writing, and you're taking practical steps to get there. I think it's admirable.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if it's not working, you can always come back to it and try again when she is older, or when circumstances are different.
I totally relate to this. Good luck Megan.
Megan I love love this. You will write your book and it will be published. I can just tell.
ReplyDeleteWrite on, sistah.
Such a spot on post. I am looking at daycare for my two at the moment. I think it is excellent that you are doing it and setting time to actually live your dream instead of just dream it.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing what can happen when we decided to live our dreams.
I also have recently started putting my little tackers in day care twice a week so i have time to write. I also understand that feeling of pressure. Mind you, I usually spend the first half of both of those days tidying up, doing the washing...etc etc.
ReplyDeleteI used to wonder if I was being selfish too, but have since decided that we lead by example. I want my children to know that they can dream big, and with hard work and determination, can acheive their goals.
Maybe one day, you and I will be neighbors, on a bookshelf somewhere x
Confronting reality or amazing reality? You are making it happen.....and that is amazing. xx
ReplyDeleteYou will do it. You really will. You are setting things up so you can achieve your dream. You are on your way. I can't wait to watch you get there. You give me hope I can reach my dreams too. xx
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you for shaking off the nasty inner voices and doing it anyway. It's hard to stick at it when you feel the pressure and there are "easier" options for you. Carving out the time you need to reach your dreams is not a luxury, it's a necessity. You can't be all things at all times. And you know, I have no doubt in my mind that you will succeed, that you're going to have all that you're dreaming of and more. You really do inspire people with your journey my lovely and many of us are cheering for you every step of the way.
ReplyDeleteI've always wanted to be a successful writer too. It's the perfect level of fame.
ReplyDeleteSmart people know who you are. You might get your picture in the paper and be occasionally recongnised in the street, but it's at the level where it is a pleasent experience instead of a stay-indoors-forever type of fame.
And the nubile young women after a university lecture on writing... Oh wait... Mental note: Use inside voice is for inside.
Nevermind the nubile women bit. I totally don't think about that. I... I think about seeing someone buy my book, yeah, that's it.
Words of wisdom, Megan! The best part of all is that while you're fulfilling your dream to be a writer (with all the ups and downs), you're imparting to your daughter that it's good to follow one's dreams and that you cross those writing deserts of adversity when you need to!
ReplyDeleteAnd best of all, when your creative energy is fulfilled, you're happy = everyone is happy! :)
Here here!
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking along the same lines lately Megan. For me, it's putting aside time on my days off work, and realising that this is what I love to do, and actually, now, need to do.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with the selfishness of it - and I never really felt that guilt when I put my children in day care for paid work.
I find too, that as soon as I think about writing for a particular audience and put pressure on myself, all that joy I get from writing goes out the window.
This is so inspiring, and spookily so close to home... Writing is all I ever wanted to do, and via my blog its slowly becoming a realised dream. I know, like you, there is a lot of selfish guilt, but you will do your daughter proud and be a wonderful role model. What more could she want?
ReplyDeleteBest of luck on your journey! I shall follow with great interest and support x
wow - good on you!! I love that you are so open about this dream now. peharps the commitment that your sharing with help with the motivation to pursue it xx
ReplyDeleteI love that you are taking the steps towards your dream. And you know, sometimes you need the pressure, sometimes it makes you move forward.
ReplyDeleteAnd this is why I have just started my own writing blog. It is a little bit about putting pressure on myself. Pressure to have made even a little progress from one week to the next. So that I can "live the dream" and be the writer I always wanted to be!
But as you say, it is about enjoying the ride. Keep on enjoying those successes, Megan
Gill xo
A very timely post for me as I'm feeling the same. My youngest son is in day care three days a week whilst I write for my blog, and try to get other writing work. I'm giving myself another month or so before I decide whether to get some more regular part time work, or whether this is a goer financially.
ReplyDeleteMy eldest son is at school, and one of the perks of being a writer is that it's flexible so I can be there for the school pickup.
It's not selfish trying to carve a career that suits you, and ultimately fits in with the rest of the family (most of the time).
I'm sure you'll reach your goals, and when you do, I hope my book won't be far behind...or alongside...or, reading these comments, wherever there's space on the shelf! All the best.
Living your dream is vital for your happiness which in turn effects your child positively. It is not selfish at all in fact it is selfish if you don't follow your dreams. You are holding back on what it was you came here to do. Your children need to also learn the importance of this by what you model to them.
ReplyDeleteOur daughter goes to childcare two days a week as well so we can concentrate on our blogs. She loves it, her confidence has improved and she is learning so much. She is receiving more than I could give her at home.
IT is through our efforts with blogging that we are able to take her away on trips which she loves. And she also helps out with our blogging now!! She helped inspire a post on our travel blog "What could we write about fries" I'm thinking of hiring her for more post ideas as it was really popular!
It think the benefits for your child with you taking the time for your writing are so much bigger than what you think
Megan, as always, a great post.
ReplyDeleteI've read over and over about when wanting to publish something about being tenacious and just going for it.
Go for it. Your dream will be realised - you are too talented for that *not* to happen.
xxx
Oh. My. Goodness. I read this post and it is MY story -how on earth did you know? When did you STEAL it from my head?
ReplyDeleteSigh... I needed to read this today. Being a mum can be tough when you have a head full of dreams.
Thanks for the encouragement.
B