Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The confronting reality of living your dream
I don't remember a time in my life when I wasn't dreaming of being a writer.
Not long ago, I found some books at my parents' house. Blyton, Dahl, Klein... all with my childish signature in the front. From as far back as my memory goes, my favourite game was pretending to be an author signing copies of my books.
Every time I walked into a bookshop I'd imagine my own books sitting on the shelves. I'd wonder what it would feel like to see someone buy a copy.
All my life, I've heard of people achieving their dreams and changing their lives - and I've smiled the smile of someone who knows that's what her own life will hold. One day.
And then I'd get on with my life, trying to forget it all and be good old sensible me. Because that's who I am. Right?
I never told anyone any of this. It was far too silly for reliable me.
Being able to say that I want to be a writer was my main purpose for starting this blog. It was a 'now or never' moment in my life and I realised it was worth a shot.
Here I am, giving it my best.
I even have my daughter in childcare two days each week so that I can focus on my dream. That's a big thing for me - having someone else look after my child so that I can do what I sometimes think of as a 'very selfish' goal. And in clearer moments, see as me regaining some sanity, and showing my daughter that a combination of dreaming and working hard can pay off.
Because, having a dream is one thing, but DOING it is a whole other story.
Talking about having always wanted to write sounds great, doesn't it? Daydreaming in bookshops and playing funny games is all well and good. But making the time to do it, to live my dream and actually write is, well, quite confronting.
To sit here for two full days each week, to have time to do nothing but write actually makes me feel quite a bit of pressure. Make it good, write something amazing, get published, earn money to pay for said childcare and validate this decision - these are the things that go through my mind.
But, when all is said and done, I'm writing and I'm having successes - and I'm having fun. It's time to shake off that feeling of pressure, shrug away the sensible worries and just enjoy the ride.
Posted at 9:06 PM