"I'm concerned you will fail..."
As a teenager, these words were enough to make me want to lie in bed and hide under the covers for a very, very long time.
They were spoken by my Year 12 English teacher. Yes, she thought I might fail English. Of all subjects, this was the one I was best at, so if I was going to fail it? You might as well tell me I was terrible at everything.
Mum had other ideas, and encouraged me to prove that teacher wrong, to show her that I had it in me to not only pass, but blitz it. Which I did, resulting in an almost top mark. In hindsight, I think that's exactly what my teacher hoped I would do. I think she used those words very purposefully, wanting to make me do the best I could. What she didn't realise was that she chose the wrong person; if it wasn't for my mum's constant encouragement, I would have just given up. Hidden from the world.
It seems that should have been a warning sign - I'm prone to wanting to hide in bed when things get overwhelmingly negative in my life. (And by 'overwhelmingly' I mean 'even slightly'.)
I didn't write after I finished school, until I began this blog. That's eleven years of having that teacher's voice ring in my ears. That one thought of failure was enough to scare me away from my dream.
But, I'm getting better. When I recently had some not-so-positive feedback on a manuscript, I almost stopped writing again. I actually didn't write any fiction or do any manuscript work for a few weeks following, feeling almost paralysed with self-doubt.
Then, after a recent rejection, I took a day off writing. I spent a day swearing I couldn't do this, that I was terrible, blah blah blah. Then I woke the next day, sat down and read through the feedback (that this particular editor had put together very thoughtfully) and used it to improve the manuscript.
From eleven years, to a few weeks, to one day.
I'm learning.
This week, I've had some positive feedback (which I have had a lot of during all that time, by the way - I just seem to have focused on the negative). And I couldn't be more thrilled. This is what I live for.
I'm smiling, I feel I could conquer the world. I'm convinced - I can do anything.
Positivity makes the world go 'round.
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Positivity, passion and continued oncientious effort. Megan, you have all these, in spades.
ReplyDeletexx
Love this. I'm not great at hearing negative feedback - like you used to, I tend to want to hide in a hole and start talking myself down. This is a great reminder that getting back on the horse is often the best thing to do xxx
ReplyDeleteMake sure you read this post again whenever you f eel that way again!
ReplyDeleteIt totally does! Chase after your dream, Megan. And tell that little niggly voice to shush it.xx
ReplyDeleteStupid English teacher. She'll eat her hat when you are a best selling author, writer and blogger...
ReplyDeleteI really relate to this, Megan. I had lots of people laugh at me (family and friends) when I told them I wanted to be a journalist. I come from a long line of farmers, so any job slightly academic was a silly notion. However, I took those words and tried to prove them wrong.
ReplyDeleteSince then, I've had editors who have been in both camps - the ones who pat you on the back and the ones who point out your failures and hope they'll motivate you forward. I've thrived on both, but must admit the one editor who sandwiched his criticisms between two thick layers of praise was the one who saw me go furthest.
I'm so looking forward to reading your material one day soon. I love reading your blog, for starters.
(Apologies that this comment turned into an essay!!) :)
Another brilliant post that I relate so well too. I still have the voice of my grandfather in my head, telling me at 10 years old that I shouldn't consider being an author as they never make any money & I'll be broke forever. 2 decades on and that voice is still ringing in my ears too!
ReplyDeleteOnwards and upwards we shall go - you write so beautifully and I wish you so much future success x
It is so easy to be downhearted and negative Megan. I completely agree. Especially in writing and I find it so damn hard not to take it personally. But people are usually good with giving feedback and like you, once I've had the requisite mental health and devastated day I go back to it and work on it. I'm so glad you have positive feedback this week. It makes it all totally worth while doesn't it?
ReplyDelete+ + + :) + + +
ReplyDeleteMegs, I also have to say: what you're describing is exactly my life. It's so wonderful to hear you're not doing what I did, ie: get so discouraged between rejections that it completely disabled me, sometimes for years - sometimes many, many years.
ReplyDeleteWhat a waste of my life.
I once met a girl in her early 20s who got a publishing contract with a major Aus publisher. When I interviewed her, I asked her what it felt like to be published so successfully at such a young age.
She answered that it felt normal because unlike many authors, she knew what she wanted to do from teenhood and didn't want to become an author as a 'midlife career change'.
I didn't tell her that I also knew what I wanted to do (from childhood, actually) - but the reason I was on a 'midlife career change' was purely due to my lack of tenacity... and most certainly not a lack of desire.
We owe it to ourselves to strive against adversity. We must not succumb. Entire lives and so many opps have been lost in this way.
Just ask me. :)
Have a big grin on my face as I read this...SO very pleased to hear you've taken only a day's break this time. I'm with Claire, read this when you doubt yourself again. Oh, and you CAN do anything.
ReplyDeleteOh, I definitely relate to this. The negative ringing a much louder bell than the positive. I've looked a lot at how I view the glass - half full or half empty - and while I think instinctively I perceive the latter, I've done a lot of work to help me see the former.
ReplyDeleteHowever, finding strength in the negative is awesome. What an amazing step!
Great post, hon.
ReplyDeleteI worked with a girl once who was smart. Very smart, but our manager constantly had a go at her work, rolled her eyes at the girl and made her feel like crap. (I honest,y believe she thought she was doing her a favor - trying to toughen her up for the finance world.)
The girl lost her confidence, she stopped being her usual happy, jokey self.
Eventually, the manager left. Suddenly, the girl blossomed. There was no one putting her down ("motivating" her) anymore.
I'm sure that teacher thought she was doing the right thing. That way of teaching/motivating doesnt work for all unfortunately.
But look at you now! You're not only developing professionally, but I also think you're just so much more confident personally as well. I've really noticed that.
The world is your oyster, Megan. xxx
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ReplyDeletefabulous megan!
ReplyDeleteas claire said above, you must read this post every time you doubt yourself, i always want to pack my bags and run away some place new when i feel overwhelmed..
You can do anything - go for it!
Gill xo
I agree!!
ReplyDeleteI do not believe in 'constructive criticism'. Criticism of any kind hurts.
Positivity, and the confidence to get back up and try again tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing well on both accounts... forward movement, even slow movement, is always good!