"The terrible twos," people will say as they nod knowingly, when Abbey voices her opinion about something. "Kids are just awful from two to four years," another said when she threw a tantrum.
My first problem with this is that it implies Abbey - and every other two-year-old - is a horrible person for an entire year (or three, according to some as mentioned above) of her life. That's a pretty broad statement, and anyone who spends any length of time with her would know that the bad moments are pretty few and far between. (And by the way, having an opinion is not a bad thing - even for a two-year-old.)
The other problem is that the label seems to give an excuse for some behaviour that I'd rather not encourage. I make no secret of the fact that I expect a lot from my daughter in many ways, and I don't make any excuses. If she's having a not-so-great moment, it's just that - it's not because she's two, it isn't because she doesn't know any better. It's just a bad moment.
I try to look at it is as an opportunity. For example, Abbey comes home from her two days of childcare each week with some very interesting learnings. At first, I would sigh and wonder if I should just keep her home to avoid the extra discipline required on the other days. (I know it would all happen eventually anyway, but this would be a melodramatic procrastination technique!) Then I realised that if she doesn't see others behaving badly, she won't learn what not to do. Now, I view it as an opportunity to teach her right from wrong.
Nevertheless, none of this has anything to do with the fact she is two. I've seen kids of all ages - and adults - get upset, throw tantrums, push the limits and assert their independence, and no one says, 'Oh yes, the frightful fives' or 'the sucky sevens' or 'the annoying adult years'. But if a two-year-old does it? It's the old terrible twos line.
I've started responding with one word to all those labellers - no. I hope by doing this, Abbey notices that I won't take excuses and I won't have others cast judgement over her.
Abbey is now two years and eight months. These last months have been some of the most wonderful in our mother-daughter relationship. She is a delight - independent and feisty, hilarious with a very wicked sense of humour, daring and brave, energetic and willing to try anything.
But terrible? Most definitely not.
15 comments:
I agree, I think two is an amazing age. They are little sponges and will suprise us every day with what they have learned. My theory on two being labeled as "terrible" is that they have so much new information but they don't always have the words to communicate what they are thinking which leads to frustration, completely understandable. There are of course still times when it is just a tantrum, but kids, or adults for that matter, can do that at any age.
And aren't we all a bit terrible sometimes? Great post!
I'm with Sally. I've been known to throw a terrible 40s tanty from time to time. While kids are (or can be) awesome at any age, those years from 2 to 5 will always delight me - the joy of discovery, the passion of emotion, the total engagement with the now. Maybe we should all be more like them more often.
Love this post!
I have cranky meltdown-y moments too. The terrible mid-30's maybe?
My toddler boy is 3 in September. He struggles as he's not verbal yet and this leads to some mighty meltdowns. Apparently these are just attention seeking, or to annoy other people.
I get frustrated when I can't express myself clearly too though, so he must get this terrible habit from me.
Thank you.
Terrific post.
My Magoo is exactly the same age - and I just love it.
Yes, he has some super interesting, fiery moments.
Half of the time I just wish I could express my frustration so fully!!!
Our job is to be there. understand, be firm and talk it through when we can.
I also detest the label and the cop out.
Yes, toddlers don't have the development to always understand the appropriate reactions, but they sure know when they've crossed the line - and we are there to show them that.
Enjoy this blissful age of excitement, fun, discovery...
Pffft to the terrible anythings!
:-)
I love the age of two - all my two year olds (four of them) have been terrific! Okay, so, I've probably grumbled about the fearsome fours a bit, though, but do try to remember to re-phrase that age as Fantastic Four!
It's all about your interpretation. The more anyone focuses on the bad bits, the bigger they'll grow because they'll overshadow of the terrific or fantastic bits, but when you focus of the great stuff, it shines brighter and drives away the clouds that are those days when you're at your wits end...
Attitude, the key is always attitude!
lol I'm pinching 'the sucky sevens' - not really, I agree that these labels are so unhelpful. I love your approach to stick up for Abbey and set other people straight. xo
the annoying adult years! I am sure there are plenty of children out there who would like to refer to our "moods" in this way. It sounds like you are modelling a great example for Abbey xo
I loved the twos!! Kalyra was so sweet and angelic. And now for the last few months she's turned monstrous!! LOL No, she's just a little bit older, more sure of herself and horribly stubborn and independent- total payback for me being the same way.
I actually love her strong mindedness as I know it will serve her well later in life, despite it not serving me well now.
I think you have to look at other things that can contribute to their behaviours as well. We had a massive international relocation last year, which we didn't want. Craig and I are quite unhappy and unsettled, and super busy. I am sure she is picking up on these and trying to adjust to these stages.
We are the same as you and don't tolerate excuses for behaviour. We understand that there are reasons for things but that doesn't mean we don't address them and let her know what is appropriate behaviour or not.
When people try to excuse her behaviour by saying she is only 3 I want to scream. No. She knows better and she can make better choices if we teach her. That's why there are so many self-indulged children and adults in the world who don'tknow how to be accountable or responsible.
Great post
As usual, we see eye-to-eye. You're totally right and our kids remain kindred in spirit - a bit like their Mama's! They are a delight the majority of the time and really, everyone, of every age behaves badly sometimes. xxx
I had four and for many years waited for those "terrible twos" to happen. I'd heard the stories and was prepared. Just didn't happen. I think possibly the term originated with some mums way back in time who were maybe a little disappointed that their baby was now asserting a little independence and growing away from being a tiny, needy baby. But that's exactly what they are meant to do.
amen, i love her at this age, I think it's just a generalisation.
I've had two 2 year olds, and they were completely different. I think it depends on the individual child, and how we try to guide them as parents through this tricky phase.
I think you have a great attitude with Abbey. Together, you'll work it out. :)
LOVE this!
I love this post! I worked in a room with 9 two year olds and trust me it is NOTHING to do with the age it is alllll about how the parents look at and treat this age. A child whose parents are all about it being the terrible two will act just that terrible, but a child whose parents look at age 2 as just another number act the complete opposite! I love the way you treat age two!!
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