He has two offices, one near where I live, the other further away.
I had been to the latter just once, three and a half years ago. Funny how I never remember my way anywhere, yet I drove straight to this unfamiliar place today as though on auto pilot.
Last time I was there, it was to tell him the good news: it had worked. I was pregnant.
This time, it was to ask for help again.
I drove in on the verge, telling myself to hold it together. Just for a few minutes. Funny how I've felt so numb for so many months, and suddenly it threatens to burst at the worst possible time.
Then my husband turned up, held my hand through it, and I didn't have to remind myself to hold it together anymore - I just did.
It's like stepping back in time. I still don't understand half of what he says (I'm so bad with accents), I just agree and then ask Steve to explain it to me later. I still have a chuckle at his little quirks - he spent most of this visit reprinting my name labels because he didn't like the way his receptionist had done it. And I still feel like it's an odd, unassuming place for such a huge turn in my life to pan out.
I left feeling lighter. Relieved.
But somehow more unsure than ever. I thought I knew what I was in for, but this time the rules have changed - or the medication, at least. I knew how I'd feel with the old stuff, but this? This I have no idea about.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
26 comments:
I am wishing for you with all my heart loveliest of lovelies. Waiting and seeing is so bloody hard. With you every step of the way. xxxxx
So easy to say.
so so excruciating to do.
Wishing you the smoothest path possible.
Thinking of you. xx
Wishing you the most smooth, uneventful, boringest journey ever.
Hope you know what I mean...
Yes, I am with Amy, hope it is boring, tedious, as smooth as it possibly can be. Such a hard road to have to tread.
sending positive vibes and much love for a smooth journey...
I feel your butterflies. Brave face xx
Thinking of you hun xxxx
Much love M xxx
hugs for you and steve, fertile blessings xo
Thinking of you both! xx
May it go quickly, smoothly, and end in the happiest of tears.
xxxx
Fingers crossed for you... xo
Your serious face gave it away this morning and I remembered today was the day you had your appointment. I am wishing with every fibre of my being that you and Steve get your happy ending really, really soon xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo
brave, brave girl. So glad you have your dear Hubby and your own inner strength to see you through this. you know I am already sending you every bit of love and best wishes that I have in my body. xxx
I have been thinking of you this week, and of what is ahead of you. It's exciting and gut wrenching all at once. But you are strong... oh, and also? Sometimes not holding it together is just fine. xxx
I'm crossing everything for you. You? Don't cross anything ... if you know what I mean. x
Here's hoping the new stuff is even better than the old stuff...and that everything turns out the way it is supposed to :-)
xxxCate
Everything crossed for you that it all goes well xox
Sending you love & light, Megan.
Lina
Thinking of you Megan. It's a tough journey, but I hope it's a quick one.
Thoughts and prayers for you, lovely lady. You can do this. xxx
Thinking of you, Megan. This path is never easy! Hope things happen quickly for you now.
Good luck, Megan. There are lots of positive thoughts being sent your way, surely they must carry some weight with the Powers That Be?
I hope this is a short and successful journey... Lot of love....
If this is what I think it is, lightning can strike twice - Ray and I and Stella and impending #2 are proof of this, no matter how high the odds are stacked you can still beat them!
xx
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