Our parenting style often raises some eyebrows. Because as much as people are angered that apparently kids don't climb trees anymore, they actually freak out when they see a child doing just that. (Luckily, Abbey can practice in our backyard!)
I often have other parents rushing over to me at parks - "Is that your daughter? She fell over!" - and while I appreciate their concern, I simply say thanks and tell them she's fine. (What I mean is, when she falls and gets up and dusts herself off before continuing to play. Of course I help her if it's more serious than that!)
We like to operate on two theories in this instance: firstly, that kids bounce off their parents' reactions so if we act calmly so does Abbey; secondly, just have fun! Climb, run, play, fall, keep playing.
Steve and I are most definitely not 'helicopter parents'. Nor are we 'free range parents' - we like to keep a good eye on Abbey, just without her knowing we are. (And I think other parents think we're not watching either - we're stealthy like that.)
We're somewhere in between, and perhaps a term like 'balloon parents' would be more suitable: always there somewhere, only just in view, floating in closely for a few minutes here and there before venturing into the background again.
That's us.
There is not one parenting style that suits all, but this is right for us and for Abbey.
31 comments:
I like that analogy - very clever! Its inspired me :)
I too like that analogy. I think our parenting style could be described as that too.
What you describe has happened to me twice recently, when another parent approaches and asks if that is my child because they have fallen/could fall. It suprised me at first and then annoyed me the second time. I am not neglectful by any measure but also don't hover over my children especially when they are playing in the park. My two year old was trying to balance on the back of a rubberised crocodile and kept falling off but instead of crying, she would get up and try again. Another parent told me I should help her... I didn't think that was necessary at all and didn't appreciate the commentary on my parenting style!
I'd say this is my style too. It's taken a while, but my husband has finally given up his helicopter stance - possibly because she can now ride her bike faster than he can run!
Thats a clever way to describe your parenting... just don't let the balloon pop ;)
I cant think of an analogy to descibe our style... maybe one day I'll work it out ;)
I've just read something about this recently Megan (can't remember where it was now), about balloon and helicopter parenting. I must admit, I'm a little protective of the children in as far as going to the shops alone and leaving us at the shopping centre. I can remember Mum leaving us at the toy section in the Dept Store while she went and did her own thing. I'm not sure it's a good idea, or is it? I've been encouraging my 6 year old daughter to go into the corner shop to buy milk etc while I stand outside the shop. She's getting better. It's certainly hard to know what to do, isn't it? As far as falling over etc goes, we pretty much just let them get over it too.
Anne @ Domesblissity
This is my style too - unsurprisingly though I'm nervous about the little man falling from great heights and he's not a proficient climber yet so I do hover a little at the playground. I love that you've found a style that suits all 3 of you.
Yesterday we were in Fed Square. I was walking up some stairs from a lower section to the cobbled paved area. It is, granted less than completely even... but as it has passed council approval I assume it is safe to walk on. I have in fact seen your daughter walk on it. (Stay with me) So, I was a little dumbfounded when I overheard a mother tell her child, who I guess was about Abbey's age to stay on the smooth steps because that part ( and here she pointed to the cobblestones) are too bumpy and not safe and you might fall.
I wish I was exaggerating. This child was happily jumping from steps, but was not to even walk on the uneven paving?
I love your parenting style, and it works for you. It's how we parented our two, and now they are more free range. People are shocked that I let them walk to a local store (it takes an hour) and they don't have a phone! Drives me bonkers!
Perhaps you have just coined a new parenting term..this is my style too. I have just listened to Richard Louv's speech that he gave to a group in Perth earlier this year. Like you, he said he used to watch his boys without them knowing they were being watched.It makes a lot of sense, perhaps we will never go back to the free range childhoods of the 1950's but we can strike a balance. We should TRY to strike a balance. Love this post.
x
I wish I could have this freedom too parent, and of course I really do, but psychologically I just find it impossible.
While I am not likely to be the parent saying is that your child, I am likely to think, where is that Childs parents to myself.
My nephew was killed in an instant, one second and a hit to the head kills him. This has changed me forever. I know that lightening strikes good people and precious children. Not often but it does.
I also know that all my helicoptering can be just as damaging and I cant be there to catch them all the time. I don't think I am doing a better job or one way is better than others, my children do climb trees and get filthy.
Actually trees don't bother me so much, but playgrounds do.
This was my style too. If there weren't piercing screams and/or geysers of blood, I left them to sort themselves out. Unless they were calling for me to help, then I did of course.
'We're stealthy like that' hahahaha!! Great post. Great parenting style. xo
great post br0
Interesting! I began a blog last month: Hot Air Balloon Mom. My kids are 18-22 and it's worked well so far. Would love for you to check out my site. http://hotairballoonmom.blogspot.com/
I did a HABM quiz 6/23, geared toward parents of teens.
I don't have a child yet although I'm 31 :-D But I think educating the children from very early age about self-help and responsibility is wise. If she falls, that's because she did something before it and the fall is the risk and responsibility she has to bear. By the way, keep sharp things away from your balloon, it might explode. :-)
At times I think I'm a more worried parent to my nieces and nephews than my brothers and sisters - but I figure by the time I have kids I'll be chill
Nice work
Love it and so so true. You see so many kids fall over and then look at their parents to decide if they're going to cry or not, more often than not if their parent reacts so will the kid.
Kids have got to get out there, run around and climb trees, they'll never know their abilities if they don't. Great post!!
Jacqui
I love this too (though Claire, I have a lump in my throat that isn't going anywhere anytime soon having just read your comment)...when Bliss broke her leg I felt like people were going to say "no big surprise the way they parent" but you know what, this stuff just happens and I'd prefer her to be resilient knowing that we've ALWAYS got her back rather than anxious wanting us to actually be at her back all the time. Know what I mean?
New to your blog and loving it. I love the whole idea of balloon parenting because I would like to be like that as well. Unfortunately, the parenting style that is expected of us, especially where I'm from, is chopper style. I am so relieved there are terms now I can use when I discuss with my husband and friends. Very insightful piece you have here. Thanks.
I am exactly the same.
My 22 month old was climbing before he could walk, so when he'd hit the slides and equipment at the park, alone (me watching, his 4y.o. big bro fairly close by), I'd watch the parents looking around aghast for his Mum! Or even trying to assist him, to both his and my annoyance.
Only twice have I received comments of approval for my style of parenting.
First from another Mum of boys who was someone I knew from high school but hadn't seen for 22 years. She was relieved when we met up for the first time to find a kindred parenting spirit and 12 months on our boys play fabulously together.
The second was a grandmother who turned and applauded me for calling out "Ready Set Go" to my 13month old as he sat atop the large slide and I sat across the park drinking a coffee. She was so excited, she came over to tell me how wonderful it was to see a parent letting them find their own way.
It really is true, they watch to see your reaction before they cry or react to a fall etc. I watch my cousin helicopter away. It's against her nature but her husband (mega chopper - even my helicopter parent friends are amazed by his hovering skills!) has her afraid of letting her kids play without her hovering in case they get hurt and he holds it against her!
Do kids become independent with a parent hovering over them? I don't think they can.
I like the idea of free range parenting in theory. I think I might struggle with some of it in practice. Like letting an eight year old walk to the park or school alone. Even though I know I walked to and from school on my own at the same age or younger.
But as far as the park goes I like to keep my distance. Just not too far. My pet peeve is parents who don't keep an eye (even a sneaky eye) on their kids leaving me to deal with it if they start hitting/kicking my child. That's annoying.
I'm so with you on the not reacting thing. I think it's great for toddlers to be able to assess for themselves how hurt they are, if they can just dust themselves off or if they need some help. Plus they feed off you anyway if I reacted every time Riley fell over she'd be devastated every time.
I love this blog!
I love this! I'm actually tryin to get on board with this type of parenting style myself. I tend to hoover. It was worse when she was first born (she is my only child) and is slowly getting better. I don't want to be one of "those" moms. I love your outlook on parenting!!!
It's a wonderful gift you give when you parent your children - as a balloon parent. You teach them independence and resilience. I waver between balloon and free range depending on the circumstances. Unless some other 'helpful' parent (read: interfering) pulls me up and I swing wildly to helicopter, expecting the worst around every corner. I guess the key is to maintain a balance - between safety and allowing your child to simply be. Great post thx. X
Me too! I think of myself as 'free range', though... free range doesn't mean you're not watching constantly, just that you don't let them know that! x
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I hope that when I'm a parent, I can keep my parenting ideologies in mind; ideologies that seem to be very similar to the way that your raising Abbey!
"just have fun! Climb, run, play, fall, keep playing."
I guess this is the essence of being a child/a kid. Children needs to work on the potential of their physical aspect because they are really made to be active, eh. My mom is also a balloon parent, and I love her. I love the way she raised me and cared for me. Thanks for the post. Reminds me of my mom.
Cheers,
Cathy@embroidery digitizing
Balloon parenting seems a great way to be there for your child, yet not mollycoddle her to the point of being stifling. I say this because,though my son is all grown up now(in his 20's), I can still remember how over concerned I used to be!
Megan, the picture of Abbey is so very sweet.
excellent thought.. will be sharing this post with others..
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