They may know the 'right' things to do, text-book style, and they may or may not have raised their own children or have kids in their lives, but they have no idea how we do things in our family.
I chose my daughter's childcare, where she has been attending twice a week for the last eight months, based on one thing: gut instinct. Places close to our house had my instinct screaming NO, so I found this little spot a bit out of the way and Abbey has been happy there. The people are lovely, the place is nice, and all is good.
The staff at my daughter's childcare centre recently asked for some photos of the kids, photos of them with special people in their lives or doing things they love, photos that will remind them of those things during the day. I gave them four: Abbey with Steve and I, with a cousin, at the fire station and with her beloved teddy bear.
We explained each of the photos to the ladies at the centre. It struck me as odd, that Abbey spends two full days each week with these people and they have no idea of the love she has for her teddy bear - that this is the one place she will go without him - no idea that her cousins are some of her favourite people in the world.
My little girl is only two, almost three, and these things and people are her life. It feels odd to have her life split into two like this.
Every childcare centre has policies and ways of doing things - many of these regulated, some specific to each centre, or to each staff member's manner. One thing I've struggled with recently is television. I'm strict with how much TV Abbey watches and which shows she sees, so I was a little shocked to realise she knows some programs I've never shown her. I know, that doesn't seem like a bad thing - but being at the shops and being asked for brand-name, character-based products - and annoying ones at that! - by a two-year-old seems wrong to me. It's life these days I guess, but not in our little world.
Parents are parents, and we decide how our child is raised. But we place a lot of trust in others to help us do this, and by doing that we give up a lot of control over what they're doing, how they're disciplined, what they eat and see, who they spend time with.
The things I've mentioned - the TV, the not knowing her teddy bear - are not big issues. They do not turn me against childcare or make me want to take her out of the centre. They are just life, part of a child being out of their home environment. Abbey has a lot of fun at childcare, she learns a lot and does many activities that she doesn't get to do at home.
What these are, are realisations that give me what I believe is a healthy dose of wariness, and the knowledge that no decision is made without its sacrifices.
The last eight months of childcare have, quite simply, got me through. After reaching rock bottom last year, I needed some time - to write, to work from home, to try some things (some of which have worked out, some haven't).
Now, though, it's time to make some changes. I am cutting back Abbey's hours, trying her with half-days instead of full days, easing her back in preparation for preschool next year. She and I, we're going to spend more time together again, and I'm going to fit everything else around that.
It's time to do things our way.
17 comments:
I totally agree with you. In a perfect world I would love to be able to raise my future child in the first 5 years all day everyday but realistically I know that I might have to put my child into a daycare (and ultimately a school with many influences I might not agree with).
You sound like the kind of mother that needs to be more prevalent in this world and I respect you very much <3
The tv issue nearly held me back from putting my daughter into the preschool we had chosen for her two years ago. A friend who's opinion on early childhood education that I respected was very derogative about this preschool but I followed my absolute gut instinct and have not looked back! Yes they do very occasionally watch tv, usually during their school holiday program (yes, our preschool runs all year!) but as I rationalised it, I do allow my daughter to watch tv at home, not much, but enough and the benefits of this lovely, intimate, caring preschool have far out weighed the slight negative. Well done for measuring your choices so carefully and I hope you can find the balance that works best for you and your daughter!
I know it might seem strange to you that the carers at Abbey's daycare don't know about certain things in her life, but I have to say I'm not surprised at all.
I think the kids are so busy at daycare with routine and playing and doing things they probably don't do at home - as well as hanging out with friends - that home is actually a lot further from their mind than you think! I'm constantly amazed when I hear some sort of big news that happened at school from someone else, and when I ask my sons they're all like, "Oh, yeah...that *did* happen." They just don't think to tell me! Home life and school life seem quite separate at times, as is daycare.
Admittedly, I used to worry a lot more about tv when the 9yo was young, but to be honest, the 4yo has seen shows I'd have NEVER let my eldest son watch. Kids shows, but stuff I would have considered for a slightly older child, you know? I still think Play School is the best kids' show on tv!
I think you're doing a great job, and it sounds like Abbey is happy there. As you know, I also cut back the 4yo's time at d/care this year by 1 day. I *think* I'm glad I did. ;) Hee hee....
It's interesting to read this today as I am thinking the same thing...about cutting down days - but mainly as I miss my boys!
It is so hard having your kids looked after by someone else. My daughter was in daycare full time from 6mths old. I felt so guilty, but like you, we chose the centre based on gut instinct and recommendations from friends. My daughter was cherished by the nursery staff and has developed into a wonderful little girl. They are able to cope with the curiosity and adventurous nature of both of my kids, and do many more activities than I would be able to do at home.
Thankfully they only watch TV last thing of an afternoon and I usually get there just as they're turning it on, so my kids get a maximum of 15mins of TV at daycare each day. Yes they do watch some shows that I hadn't introduced myself - Wiggles, Hi-5, Dora - but thankfully they know that they don't have those things at home and haven't asked for them when we go shopping. I hear worse from friends who don't have their kids in daycare and who let their kids watch movies that are M15+ (Transformers, Harry Potter) and their kids aren't even 7 yet! To me that is much worse than me having to deal with the occasional brand-name requests that might come up from the kids.
As for knowing about my child, every 3-6mths we get given a form to fill out with questions about our childs interests, likes, dislikes, fears, and what we would like to see focus on for their development. Works wonders! We get that direct input and can work with the carers directly so they know more about my child than what they see at daycare. Perhaps you could suggest something like that at your centre?
As Zoey said in her post yesterday we have our strong instincts sweet and when we know them they guide us incredibly well. As you know, I was thinking of putting S in childcare and found nowhere that I felt right about so we will make do with a day at Grandma's and keep our fairly flexible work arrangements going as long as we can. You know how I feel about those licenced things and some tv programs like the one you mentioned and I agree with you! I'm so very happy that the 2 days a week helped settle you within you though and now that you're in a different place I applaud you for looking at a new way of doing things. You're a wonderful Mama! You're a wonderful woman. By the way, S was looking over my shoulder as I read the post and he asked, "Is that little girl in the box my friend Mama?" I said I'm sure she would be. :)
Ok, I'll try to keep this as short as I can!
Child care is tricky. Very. As someone who has had children in it, and has worked in it I know not all centres are the same. I know that gut instinct is good to go on, but so is research and questions (and I'm in no way suggesting you didn't do that.)
I agree too with Jodie, I think we as parents think about our children in care, at school etc a lot more than they think of us! They are happy and busy and engaged and learning!
Also, any education should have connections between home and care - that's what the photos were for, so staff can get more of an idea about A's home life. So they can make more connections with her and you and the things that are important to her.
One centre near by home is very good at respecting parents ideals and wishes, but I know from the outside it looks rundown and less than ideal. So sometimes (and again I'm not suggesting you did this) people look at the buildings, not what goes in inside the walls of the place.
Any centre, any pre school, should strive to get to know Abbey and her family. Her likes, dislikes, there should be forms with questions about family life, family celebrations, places you visit, things you do etc.
I took my youngest out of almost fulltime care the year before she started kinder to spend time just her and me, it was lovely, and I'm glad I did it. It meant juggling more, but it was well worth it. Enjoy this time and remember I'm happy to answer any questions you have about this stuff! My head is WAY WAY too full of it all! :)
I have to agree with the quiet few who say that it's a good thing that daycare doesn't know about Abbey's teddy bear etc. It means that she's so busy and engaged that she doesn't need the 'security' item that she relies at other times, and she obviously hasn't felt the need to tell them about it.
Frankie is in daycare full time because I work full time. We have no family or support network in Darwin, so we have no other options. The daycare she got into was based purely on the fact that they had a space. It was the one that I LEAST liked out of the 6 or so I visited and put my name down for in one day. It still took me four months to get a place - I had to turn down 3 jobs! So when this came up I seized it. Of course, I now love the place and the staff. They care about the kids and mine gets especially spoilt because she's been there almost two years now and they really know her.
What I LOVE is that she doesn't use her dummy AT ALL at daycare. I can't get her to stop thinking about it at home, but they have long since weaned her off it there. I think this is FANTASTIC. She's so occupied and busy and has her own little world there that she doesn't need a dummy in that world. I love them for this.
They look after up to 15 kids in the toddler room at any one time, so I totally understand that they don't want to have to customise the care to each child to the extent that each child is still relying on a security item, especially when the role of the toddler room is to prepare them to transition to preschool by age 4. Their security becomes their friends, their routine and their little world, in which they obviously feel so important!
The other thing I am firm on is never worrying myself about was if I found out she was doing something at daycare that is contrary to my parenting style. I made the decision to send her there and I have to own it. They look after a lot of kids. If I want tailored care, I hire a nanny, and I wasn't willing to do that because I believe that interaction with other kids and adults is really important. And that interaction only increases as life goes on so I place a lot of importance in that preparation.
(Mind you, living in Darwin, today I picked up the sprog at 5.30 pm it was still very much daylight, she was running around in the back garden barefoot with a cotton dress on, so TV doesn't play a role in her daycare up here.)
1) no tv at creche, none, ever. I am the annoying parent whom ruins the fun for everyone else and puts in a complaint.
2) no matter how happy kids are in creche, they are always happier with you.
3) my kids are in creche and if I had more options they would have a nanny, even though this centre is magnificent, and they are really happy there.
4) carers have so many rules that I think parents forget what it is like for their child in care. Recently a toddler was so distraught and carer one was looking for the dummy. Carer two informed them that the mum had decided to take them off the child through the day now. The parent seemed to think it would be easier to go cold turkey at creche with strangers. All the other kids were getting upset. But the carers had no solution, other than to hug the distressed child. they told me it happens often with bottles, dummies, and attachment toys.
We are doing half days at the moment while Riley adjusts. I know she has fun when she's there and kids have started to say goodbye to her (and talk about her at home to their mums) and she's been known to sing a preschool song or two at high volume in the bath at night. But she's still just as likely as not to have a tantrum about not wanting to go and get teary when we get there. And, according to the teachers it was only on Monday that she had her first day of not getting upset for the three hour period. Its all progress and still something I feel good about. I'm a HUGE believer in whatever your gut says is the right thing.
And you think that you won't get anything done in three hours anyway but I actually quite like it. I go down the road to the cafe with my computer and I usually get three or four posts written.
It's true that you are creating your child's foundation for the rest of her life by how you choose to raise them. As they are exposed to the world little by little, it is up to you to help them to understand it. The more you concentrate on communication without letting up as they get older will be your best weapon to keep them grounded in the values you want to instill in them.
Don't ever let go of how you observe your child...how you did this when they are young and you watched them experience everything as new, the things that are important to them, their expressions and reactions, the words they choose when they communicate with you...do the same when they get older and do talk until you are blue in the face, the more you keep talking and discuss what they are exposed to, the better equipped they are to react in situations upon the firm foundation you have taught them.
Always continue to nurture your family bond. What you teach them is a guide to the relationships they will make in the future. Children are precious gifts and true parenting is a responsibility to ensure they are equipped for a long and happy life, so be an example to them, let them know that people and things are not perfect and prepare them to face challenges and how to overcome them and make them know that there is no mistake that could ever stop your love.
It is up to you to prepare them for what they will come across in the world. Teach them, give them the tools, never stop talking.
As a stay-at-home-mom, I can see the importance of childcare, Even when you are IN the home. Everyone needs a break but yes there are two sides to every coin. When she is in Childcare & later Schooling she will meet people who will "teach" her things maybe you don't want her to be taught. It's a hard decision but a good one :)
ElitePain
www.immakingmyhome.blogspot.com
I've just started to follow your blog and I have to say, I like what I see! I had issues leaving my daughter in day care (she is not comfortable being left with anyone)...in fact I couldn't find anywhere even *I* felt comfortable with so I didn't go back to work. Bubble is 15mo and I'm still at home with her. I believe I did the right thing. Who is more important/secure/loving/influential at this age then a child's own mother?
I have full respect for you. You are an excellent mother. :o)
Childcare is so tricky: sometimes it seems like the payoff you get for time to yourself and for your writing is not worth it.
Hope the half days work out for you.
I'm a SAHM of three under-school-aged children and I've overcome this in the most part by spending time with my children IN the childcare centre.
I realise that not all parents have that option available to them and not all centres might cater to this, but if you have the time and the opportunity it's well worth chatting with your childs carers on a more casual basis and getting to know them too. You'll be surprised how much more you learn about your childs day by staying and watching them play for half an hour and the carers can also get to understand how you interact with your child outside of the centre.
It's nice that so many mothers are so invested in their childs care experience! :)
projeksiyon cihazları bir kaynaktan (bilgisayar, video v.b.) aldığı sinyali büyüterek
perdeye yansıtan cihazlardır. Projeksiyon cihazları yapı bakımından temelde ikiye ayrılır.
projeksiyon lambaBunlar LCD (Liquid Cristal Display- likit kristal görüntüleme) yapılı projeksiyon cihazları
lamba yenileme ve DLP (Digital Light Processing - dijital ışık işleme) yapılı projeksiyon cihazlarıdır.
Bunların, temel yapıları aynı olmakla birlikte görüntüyü oluşturma biçimleri bakımından
farklılık gösterirler. Bir projeksiyon cihazının temel yapısı aşağıdaki bölümlerden oluşur:
- Besleme katı
- Anakart
- Işık kaynağı (Ampul)
- Görüntü oluşturucu birim
- Objektif
projeksiyon cihazlarındaki ışık kaynağı olan lambalar
( 1500-4000 saat ) kullanımdan sonra lambanın içinde bulunan gazların
(civa buharı) özelliğini kaybetmesinden dolayı ömrünü yitirmektedir.
Ayrıca cihazın çalışmasıyla zaman içinde lambanın merkez ark çekirdeği şişmesi veya patlaması görüntüde zayıflama yada tamamen ışık kaybolmasına sebebiyet vermektedir.
LCD PLAZMA
Yeni gelişen teknoloji sonucunda ortaya çıkan düz ekran teknolojilerinden biri olan lcd tvler Sıvı kristal ekran ( Liquid Crystal Display) özelliği ile, elektrikle kutuplanan sıvının ışığı geçirmesi ve önüne eklenen bir filtre ile gözle görülebilmesi ilkesine dayanan bir görüntü teknolojisidir.
Plazma ekranlar ise çoğunlukla CRT ekranları gibi çalışır, fakat fosfor kaplanmış bir tek CRT yüzeyi yerine onlar yassı hafif bir yüzeyin üstünde milyonlarca cam kabarcıklarıyla matrisleyerek kaplanmıştır, ve her biri de fosforla kaplanmıştır. Sonuçta bu fosforlar doğru bir kalıpla hareketlendirilerek bir görüntü yaratır.
Teknolojinin hızla geliştiği bu noktada teknik servislik hizmeti vermek sadece bilgi ile yeterli olmamakta bunların yanında ekip çalışması, çözüm kaynakları ve alternatif çözümlerde gerekmektedir. Lcd - plazma yapı itibarıyle tüplü televizyonlara göre daha hassastırlar. Bu nedenle teknik ekibin tecrübeli, yetişkin ve eğitimli olması gerekir. Bizler hizmet verdiğimiz konularda kendimize güveniyoruz
I agree with you totally. First 5 years with the mother or Grandparents.
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