The song that inspired the name of my blog. Not just my blog, but a hope to live more honestly and to get to know myself. It sounds so cliche and silly, but that's what this whole thing was about at the beginning - trying to understand what I wanted from my life. I wanted to write, that I knew. I wanted to be a better mum, wife, person. Beyond that? No idea.
Can a blog do all that? It's a big ask, and the answer is quite simple: no. Whether you write about it or not, confusion is still confusion, and if you're not happy in yourself you won't be happy no matter what else you do. No matter how else you try to disguise it, no matter how much you try to fill your life with things to distract you.
It all sounds so serious, and it is in my own little world. Big picture? No, it's silly and small and insignificant. The truth is I'm still looking for the answers, for that one thing to click into place that makes me go, 'Aha!'
I've learnt that I'm not the mum I thought I'd be (I mean that in a good way!), I'm not the writer I thought I'd be, not the person I imagined my whole life. I guess I'm figuring out how to drop the expectations and just... be.
Does the blog fix it all? No. But it does add a wonderful something into my life.
This is a writing exercise for InkPaperPen's Write On Wednesdays - click the button below to read the other participants' pieces.