I am very strict with my daughter's food. Too strict, in many people's opinions. Take her to a restaurant, and I'll determinedly avoid the 'nuggets and chips with softdrink' kids' menu. Take her to a birthday party and I'll hover when she's near the food, putting the fruit or other savouries in front of her as I remove the lolly bowl.
Why? Because I know the difference food choices can make to your entire life.
I have very specific eating habits. I like to eat every couple of hours, small amounts (that are - oops - sometimes not so small amounts) very frequently. I like to eat as healthily as possible, while still indulging my sweet tooth. I don't believe in diets, I don't believe in deprivation. Everything I like, I have in moderation.
I have what I believe to be a healthy, balanced approach to food.
But these habits took a long time to form. I took any chance to over-indulge my sweet tooth as a kid, and spent my teenage years barely eating during the day and then stuffing my face with hot chips and packaged foods after school. In my early 20s I'd eat takeaway and rubbishy foods every day.
Now
Eat rubbish and I feel like rubbish - no energy, headaches, migraines, digestion issues. Until the last few years I thought it was normal to have headaches all the time, to crash mid-afternoon and feel terrible for the rest of the day.
Eat well and I feel great - energy for anything, no bloating, no headaches, no migraines, rare colds.
So, when people tell me I'm too strict with my daughter's food intake I reply, we all have our focuses and our priorities. We all have different things we believe are worth fighting for. This is one of mine - and I have my reasons. While I don't expect others to adjust their party food or what they do with their children, I have the responsibility to do what I think is right for my daughter. (Side note - this is about balance, not deprivation, and I offer her choices for a limited number of treats.)
So, no, she can't have the lollies when I know she's just as happy with fruit. She can't have the nuggets, chips and softdrink when I know she'll love seafood, salad and milk.
Because that healthy, balanced approach to making food choices? That's a gift I want to give my child.
11 comments:
I have been seeing the tweets on this topic and wondered when a post would pop out.
Weeks ago you wrote about parenting at the park and your style of letting A be very independent and allowing her the freedom to be herself. I mentioned my struggle with that.
I too am strict on my childrens party treats, and maybe it comes with time and childrens play styles, but this is the least of my concerns now when at a party for Miss 5. Today at the party we attended the kids ran and ran and ran for two hours they came to the table for a snack of fairy bread, cordial, fruit and cake for a few minutes and then headed back to run around. They got given a small lolly bag which we shared on the way home.
For me, knowing that what she eats when not at the party is ok allows me to relax and let her go and make some
choices.
So while I am stressing over at the park, come party time I am all ok, seems we are both helicoptering just at different venues.
It is incredibly important that balance is taught.
I don't have a daughter, and I'm not a nutritionist, but I have suffered from an eating disorder for years, so have some idea on what food you're allowed as a kid can make such a difference when you're older.
I think it's fantastic you are making sure she chooses the healthy options. But remember, junk and lollies are okay too (in tiny amounts). I've met a few people who were not allowed any junk as a kid, and then when they got older used any chance they had w/o their parents to binge - almost as if to make up for lost time!
Make sure you're passing on your view of no-deprivation to your daughter. It's okay to have a few squares of choccy every now and again! Especially when kids are so active and burn it off within minutes!
You so know I agree with you on this Megan. I don't deprive Bebito of any of these things but believe that "sometimes" food should be well for "sometimes"
For me this choice came from the fact we have a huge number of morbidly obese people in our family who have died far too young as a result of being overweight. I myself lost upwards of 20kgs after Bebito was born and it was needed from a health perspective. Bebito will nearly always self select fruit over other options cos he loves it so much, especially watermelon & berries. I'd also prefer he have any treats be homemade so I know what goes in them and that he gains an understanding of the fact food takes effort to prepare & doesn't just come from a packet. It's the one area I don't trust my Mum as marshmallows, chocolate biscuits & processed fish abound at hers. I do try & look at his diet (& ours!) on a weekly cycle though so that I'm not so uptight about things on a daily basis. Sorry about the super huge comment! Xxxx
Good food habits are so important. We don't let Tricky have treats, I believe he's too young so why would I start now when he doesn't even know what a treat is?
I, like Claire, was wondering (hoping) this twitter conversation would turn in to a post! I have only recently had to start monitoring my toddler (nearly 3) at parties. Until now, I had complete control over what he ate and most of the time he was too busy having fun with kids and new toys to eat at all! I would always let him have some of the "sometimes" party food, but when it was all chips and lollies, I saw no point in exposing him to those at all. Cakes, homemade biscuits, homemade pizza - not a problem! As he is now older, it is much harder to "control" and a few weeks ago I found myself at 10am chasing my toddler at a party with fistfuls of lollies and chocolates! I knew I didn't want him to eat all of that crap, I didn't know why a 3 year old party needed to serve that (they also had lots of healthy food which my toddler had eaten first - espesh fruit) but typing this right now I realise that my food issues were probably even more at play than his nutrional intake. I think as I've struggled with my weight throughout childhood and now, I don't want him to be "greedy" or overweight. I am embarassed to admit that I was also embarassed that he was the only kid taking a major interest in the lollies & taking more than one or two at a time. Perhaps I was projecting my issues on to him & he was going the forbidden fruit track!!! I know I didn't handle the situation well. Might need to find some kind of better way to handle party situations in the future.
He has plenty of treats at home and we bake together a lot. I don't mind him having some sugar, but, like Cat, I really like it when it's quality as opposed to just lollies.
I don't yet have the answer, but I've found it very thought provoking to read all of your words. Thanks for a great and timely post!
Amy xoxo
I think food is a very serious matter, and so maybe people do need to be more vocal and active in their children's food choices. It also is such a large problem societally, that maybe this debate needs to be going down at public events.
That said I think there is a time for candies and treats. Why be so controlling that you might freak your kids out? It is your battle, but why push it on her too? She is, and probably already, understanding of what good food is, so why not be a little more relaxed about it?
Like if the kid goes to a birthday party, let them get a little lose, that little tummy ache that comes with the bad stuff, will have them cherishing their parent's healthy stables.
I have found with all things, the good is attractive. It doesn't need to be pushed on people. People move towards good things intuitively. As the adage goes, "you get more bees with honey."
As a child I wasn't introduced to healthy eating, but as I began to cook on my own, as I got older, I have felt healthy foods pulling me like a magnet.
Megan, I am so glad you wrote this but reading it and I feel so guilty and like crap. Not because of you or anything you said but because somewhere along the way I lost my handle on this and I don't know how to get it back.
I totally agree. But I let the kids eat what they want at parties. That's sometimes enough for me. x
You are setting a good example with your daughter. She will learn from you what is good to eat. Both in taste and nutrition. Good for growing young bodies.
She will in her teens rebel but that's what teens do. Trust me. Later in life she will thank you for it.
Susan
You are doing what you think is best. (Lucky for you, I agree with your philosophy totally!)
Just today I was telling my husband that we have so many lollies in our cupboard because of the party bags my sons receive at every party. We have one or two in the car on the way home, and then I put them up the top of the pantry and then give them out when I think they are worthwhile. (Just quietly, they're NEVER worthwhile!) But we don't get through them quickly enough. And now we're overrun by sweets.
AND to top it off, I just read the Sugar Is Poison Book. And now will probably be even more funny about sweets and 'treats'.
Good health is the best gift any mother can give her child. xx
Just discovered your blog and have only read this post so far, but wanted to say thanks for writing it. It's really something to consider. My parents were not that strict when I was young but still very adamant that we stick as much as possible to healthy foods and yet I still had weight issues. Those issues are still something I deal with although we do eat very healthily at home and so I often think about how I will deal with this when I have kids. Not easy in a society as sugar-obsessed as ours!
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