Friday, November 11, 2011

Today was not good. Today was not fun. Tomorrow is another one.



Remember the other day when I said the 'threenager' attitude was really funny?

Well, today it was not.

Today, she pushed me. Attitude, meltdowns, refusing to listen, demanding things - it was constant all day.

I wanted to click my fingers to turn her back into her usual, wonderful self. I wanted to kick myself for having such stupidly unrealistic expectations that once my working week was over we'd blissfully enjoy each other's company. I really wanted to walk away.

There were so many moments that I didn't know what to do.

I felt out of my depth today. Way out of my depth.

And I'm not proud of how I handled any of it - making her apologise to her swimming teacher (seriously, who does that?), forcing her to sit in the corner (all that does is make us both feel like crap), going home instead of to a friend's house (all that did was make ME miss out on some fun), ignoring her (that really doesn't work), blah blah blah.

I got caught up in this whirlwind of emotional punishment, acting on impulse and anger and doing things before I thought them through. The one thing that I try so hard to avoid in my parenting.

And then, at the end of the day when I felt like all I had no energy left, she threw a balloon to me. I jumped up to catch it. She laughed. She laughed so much that she fell over.

We played with that balloon for half an hour, and we both laughed the whole time.

How I love that kid.

And boy am I glad that tomorrow is a fresh start.

 
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17 comments:

  1. Kelley @ magnetoboldtooNovember 11, 2011 at 8:20 AM

    We all have those days and they suck BIG TIME but you realize that you have to have the bad to truly appreciate the good. MWAH

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  2. CazNovember 11, 2011 at 8:23 AM

    Think we've all lived that day. It's hard but we're just not perfect and little people can be really hard work. Sounds like it ended on a high though. And, most of what you did actually doesn't sound like bad parenting to me. I like follow through and cause and effect parenting. Enjoy your fresh start together 2mrw :)

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  3. Jodie - Muddled Up MummaNovember 11, 2011 at 8:23 AM

    Why is it they always manage to end a bad day with something so incredibly funny or beautiful to remind us what it's REALLY all about? I love that you embraced that moment with the balloon. Those out of our depth moments are tough but I believe necessary to give confidence that you can always do and handle more than you initially think.

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  4. CatNovember 11, 2011 at 8:36 AM

    Yep! Yep! Yep! Hearing you loud and clear on every single word! I often play The Wine Song by The Cat Empire when I / we have a day like that cos it has the words, "tomorrow is another day" in it and it's a great song to dance to with the little man too! Xxx

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  5. AmycakesNovember 11, 2011 at 9:03 AM

    Ugh, those days are so tough. Glad I'm not the only one who doesn't parent as well as I'd like to through the tricky days. I keep thinking my kid's 3 years old, I'm 33, I should stay calm and BE the bigger person, but sometimes it's so hard and little by little, my spirit gets broken!!!! Thank god tomorrow is another day. Slate clean and start again. I think the fact that you can see what you'd like to do differently shows what an incredible, caring and insightful mama you are.
    xoxoxoxo

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  6. Kymmie @ a day in the life of usNovember 11, 2011 at 9:18 AM

    Oh you poor love. Sometimes days like that, I think "Enough is enough! Everything just became too hard!". I understand why you needed to go.

    So glad the balloon throwing happened. Sometimes after the yuck, the lovely seems even more so.

    Happy day tomorrow. xx

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  7. Kymmie @ a day in the life of usNovember 11, 2011 at 9:20 AM

    Oh, I forgot to mention... Steve might have scared Abi a bit. He does that sometimes. Not on purpose. It's just all that hair ;)

    Now I have to find someone else to enjoy all those sugar-free treats! xx

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  8. Krys - Baby MassageNovember 11, 2011 at 9:24 AM

    I'm glad it ended well. There's nothing worse than going to bed feeling like you totally sucked as a parent that day and wondering if your child feels the same.
    Just the other day I discovered the magic of a pillow-fight. My Mr 4 loved it and it was a great tension release.
    Good luck for tomorrow!

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  9. MandyNovember 11, 2011 at 9:41 AM

    i truly believe they won't remember those times when you made them apologise or told them off. but they will remember the play, the laughter, the smiles. That's what I tell myself anyway, it helps me get through and not be too hard on myself.

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  10. Mum on the RunNovember 11, 2011 at 11:39 AM

    Sounds familiar.
    It amazes me how far they can push us.
    And how quickly they can pull us straight back in.
    Good on you for being so reflective and invested.
    That's all that matters.
    (I found the 1-2-3 Magic book really helpful. Mainly because it changed MY reactions, not Magoo's behaviour!! I can finally see the results in his self control now though.)
    :-)

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  11. riverNovember 11, 2011 at 10:04 PM

    "I felt out of my depth today. Way out of my depth."
    Just a small clue here, because this is all new, your girl is probably feeling a little out of her depth too.
    There are new thoughts, new emotions, new skills, add in tha fact that you are now working away from the home a bit, and there is a lot of "new" to adjust to. On both sides.
    What about planning the first full day when you don't have to work, completely around her. Ask what she wants to do, (yes, all day, whatever she wants), and do those things, all the while reminding her that tomorrow is your day to do things you need to do, so tomorrow she needs to follow your schedule.

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  12. Kellie @ Three Li'l PrincessesNovember 12, 2011 at 3:32 AM

    That all rings true here, Megan. You're certainly not alone. I had a challenging moment with Ella last night, which ended with her coming out of her bed, not saying a word, but giving me a hug, kiss and then walking back to her bedroom. I suddenly felt so guilty!

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  13. JayneNovember 12, 2011 at 5:38 AM

    A good end to a trying day.

    I hope the weekend is good to you :)

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  14. tarynNovember 14, 2011 at 12:14 AM

    As a fellow mum, I know I always have days like this. I lay in bed and night and count how many things I stuffed up during the day.

    Tomorrow is another day. You are a fabulous mother.

    I must also say that your blog is looking positively WONDERFUL. You must be stoked ;) xxx

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  15. Megan BlandfordNovember 14, 2011 at 2:28 AM

    Thanks heaps Taryn!

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  16. Janine FitzpatrickNovember 14, 2011 at 5:28 AM

    These days are frequent when they are little, but it does get better. This is just one chapter of your life together. She will get older, there will still be challenges, but the overwhelming tiredness and physical nature of caring for a toddler goes and makes the emotional challenges slightly easier.

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  17. honeybeemamaNovember 15, 2011 at 2:42 PM

    i feel you momma! i have been feeling similarly frustrated lately, even with a 4 and 5 year old...who probably should have already learned some of those lessons by now! thank you for being so vulnerable in this post. i wanted to let you know i plugged your blog and this post today on my mama monday mom blog highlights post! http://www.honeybeemama.com/2011/11/mama-monday-mom-blog-highlights.html

    i hope you'll stop by and have a great day!

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