The 'crazy lady' post

Taking my girl on crazy adventures

I'm a bit crazy sometimes.

I'll dream up big ideas and make them possible in my head. It isn't unusual for Steve to arrive home from work to hear me say something like, 'Let's travel the world!' or 'Let's have a baby!' or 'I'm going to be a writer!'

I have huge moments of clarity, knowing exactly where I want to head and believing that it's all possible. The excitement is almost too much to bear, and it's the reason for many a sleepless night. Imagine that: life being so exciting it keeps you awake at night.

That's it right there. The holy grail of life.

My big ideas are the things that fill me with light, they take me far away from the fear and make life feel real. Make me feel real.

Then morning comes, bringing with it reality and doubt. Sensible Me returns: I couldn't possibly do that, there's no guarantee it will work, things are good as they are and I should just be happy with that, take the proven path. I can't do it.

The logical, sensible approach is the one that's had me living in fear of myself forever. I've been scared of my dreams, scared of voicing them, and I've pushed them aside for a long time. I listen to the logic and I throw away the craziness.

You know what? Living with self-doubt becomes very boring after a time. And I want that holy grail.

It's time to embrace the crazy.