My view on motherhood is pretty clear:
It's not a job, it's just life. Sometimes life is wonderful, sometimes it sucks a bit.
Mostly, I think we all have our differences - values, views, methods of doing things - but more importantly we all have ONE HUGE thing in common.
We're all trying to do our best.
End of story.
Except, it's not. There is, apparently, a 'mummy war' being fought. We're being told by the media that we all want to know which parent is doing it right and of course, which ones are doing it WRONG. Which ones should we point our fingers at and alienate for their WRONG choices? Which ones should we put a BAD MOTHER label on?
This week has been a tough battle in the 'mummy war'. Headlines have been aimed at breastfeeders, smackers, working mums, those who complain... and that's just in the last few days. (It's probably important to mention here that these are mostly (and I say 'mostly' because part of the smacking story did actually make me quite uncomfortable) not stories about people mistreating or abusing their children in any way - that's a whole different kettle of fish.)
I think it's great to have discussions about parenting. I love hearing about how others do things - that's what shows me what options are open to me, it helps me and my husband make informed choices about our own ways of parenting. And it's okay to have views on what others do - there is no other way to form your own boundaries.
That's (in part) why I read lots of blogs - hearing from other parents has opened my eyes to the world of choice in parenting. Knowledge equals less judgement, and better personal decisions.
But every time I hear someone outside the headlines talking about these stories, I hear one message: Can we leave each other alone please!
And so, I disagree with the media. I don't think any 'mummy war' actually exists.
I think they've created it, just for the headlines. (I know! Shock, horror!)
I think that most of us couldn't care less about finger pointing. We want to talk about things, but not in a nasty way. I think that if it was all presented differently we'd actually enjoy discussing our differences. Which would be much more constructive.
We're all trying to do our best. End of story.
What do you think about the 'mummy war'?
i think it does exist for some people - those who like to think their way is the right and only way. whenever you see the working vs SAHM argument on TV they've got people who are so headstrong but also very defensive of their situation. They would never pick someone like you or me, who respects mums no matter how they do it, because we wouldn't be controversial enough. So I think in a sense, it IS there, but the media certainly makes it out to be much worse, or much farther reaching that it actually is, if that makes any sense at all? I wish we could just all support each other and understand that what works for one person may very much NOT work for another, but that doesn't mean they're not both doing AMAZING jobs!
ReplyDeleteJust tell yourself that you are the one who is doing it right and then you don't have to think about it any more. (That's what is working for me anyway).
ReplyDeletePS Did a post disappear or am I going mad?
Absolutely.
ReplyDeleteThe media would love to think we're ripping each others' hair out down at the park over organic vs non organic produce in childrens' diets - or something!!
I've always felt
a) each to their own
b) every family is different
c) I'm no expert anyway!!
I'm open to hearing other families' experiences and methods too.
Some I'll steal for my own, some i'll experiment and others i'll leave right there in the park.
Mummies don't have time for any more battles for God's sake!!
:-) xx
I think that it's a media beat-up. To me it feels like a belittling and trivialising of motherhood and the feminine. Anything to make us women and mothers look bad.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I think people observe differences in each other than can become judgemental and that's not unique to "mum's". I truly don't think there is a "mummy war" happening though. Like you, I find it interesting to observe other people's styles but I've done that my whole life. I think I can learn from other people. I'm sure that there is a whole lot of judgey going on out there and heck, you and I have been subjected to it by strangers!, but I try not to be part of it. The media loves a good beat up though and this is no exception in my opinion. x
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