Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Last night I was a 'real' mum
Last night I did something mums are supposed to do.
I was late to meet friends because I had to put my daughter to bed first.
I've never done this. Usually I'm the one running out of the house with a quick, 'Bye!' and within about three seconds I'm in my car with the music louder than is suitable for a child's little ears. I just really enjoy going out alone, being someone other than a mum for a few hours. (Why do I feel the need to now say I really love being with my family, too? Of course I do.)
It's like going away for weekends with friends, which I've done a few times since she was born. I watch other mums call their husbands and kids throughout the weekend, I see them worrying, and I hear in their voices that they miss their kids so much it hurts. Its the only time I feel guilty about leaving my family: when I see others miss theirs, and I notice that I don't do the same. There's a slight guilt when they pull me up on it.
Sometimes it feels like a mother's worth is measured by how much she aches for her children (before getting home and within five minutes wishing she was away again).
I don't know exactly why (although I have an idea), but Abbey has been quite clingy to me the last week or two. This is really unusual for her - and I think it's because of that I have a real urge to just snuggle her up and go into protective mother mode. When someone who's 'tough' lets down their guard, you know it's something important.
So last night, I read stories with her and tucked her into bed - before sneaking out quietly. I even waited until I was out the driveway before turning the music up. And I did something else I've never done: texted when I got there to make sure all was okay at home.
Weird, but all that worrying and phone-checking kind of made me feel like a 'real' mum.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.
Posted at 4:43 PM