Last night I did something mums are supposed to do.
I was late to meet friends because I had to put my daughter to bed first.
I've never done this. Usually I'm the one running out of the house with a quick, 'Bye!' and within about three seconds I'm in my car with the music louder than is suitable for a child's little ears. I just really enjoy going out alone, being someone other than a mum for a few hours. (Why do I feel the need to now say I really love being with my family, too? Of course I do.)
It's like going away for weekends with friends, which I've done a few times since she was born. I watch other mums call their husbands and kids throughout the weekend, I see them worrying, and I hear in their voices that they miss their kids so much it hurts. Its the only time I feel guilty about leaving my family: when I see others miss theirs, and I notice that I don't do the same. There's a slight guilt when they pull me up on it.
Sometimes it feels like a mother's worth is measured by how much she aches for her children (before getting home and within five minutes wishing she was away again).
I don't know exactly why (although I have an idea), but Abbey has been quite clingy to me the last week or two. This is really unusual for her - and I think it's because of that I have a real urge to just snuggle her up and go into protective mother mode. When someone who's 'tough' lets down their guard, you know it's something important.
So last night, I read stories with her and tucked her into bed - before sneaking out quietly. I even waited until I was out the driveway before turning the music up. And I did something else I've never done: texted when I got there to make sure all was okay at home.
Weird, but all that worrying and phone-checking kind of made me feel like a 'real' mum.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.
I never doubted you were a "real" mum! Real mums make do with the time they have, in a way that works for them. You're just as good a mother when you rush out the door without the bed-time story. I'm not a mum so I'm no expert, but in my mind, as long as you have quality time together, it doesn't really matter when it is, or what you're doing. It's unrealistic for everyone to do the Disney movie parenting every day (you know - always peaceful and serene, with hours of bed-time reading).
ReplyDeleteLike you, I am one to race out the door and turn the music up as I hastily retreat down the drive way.
ReplyDeleteI love my kids, I love my husband, and I love my time without them.
Hubby and I worked out early on we both need some time and space without each other and without the kids every now and then.
I only text when I'm heading home, just as a heads up.
But I get what you mean about feeling like a real mum - but what I have come to learn is that for me, for my kids and hubby, we don't need that - and I am happy in the knowledge that I am showing my kids that though I am a parent I am also someone separate from that.
I'm not one to ring home in a worried state when I'm away but I do tell my kids that if they want to ring me, then they should, day or night.
ReplyDeleteI did go away once with a bunch of women when my daughter was ringing me about 1/2 an hour after we left. They actually gave me grief for answering the phone. I wasn't impressed.
I know that my kids will be fine without me for a weekend but if they feel reassured knowing they can ring me any time, then that's fine with me.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
I think it's LOVELY and I like you even more for being late because you were being a loving mother.
ReplyDeleteIf you are assured that your kids are safe, why worry and call them every hour! I have recently started leaving mine on their own (aged 8&5) and every time I return home, Im surprised by their confidence and responsibility..esp, the way they take care of Blacky(pet). There is no problem in leaving them alone and worrying does not pass you through the mother's litmus test.
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If you are assured that your kids are safe, why worry and call them every hour! I have recently started leaving mine on their own (aged 8&5) and every time I return home, Im surprised by their confidence and responsibility..esp, the way they take care of Blacky(pet). There is no problem in leaving them alone and worrying does not pass you through the mother's litmus test.
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I think loving your time alone just means that you still love yourself including your family which only makes you better for them. My daughter is the same as Abbey though it seems. Very tough-when I leave it's "Peace out mom" but when she isn't like it I'm more than happy to oblige her. Moms know their kids. Some moms might not know themselves though and thats why they are always missing their families.
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