The post about happy sharks jumping. Or something.

I think it's fair to say I've lost my blogging mojo of late.

A few reasons: time, stuff to say, leading a seemingly uneventful life, and being happy. I have to work on being able to write more when I'm happy; to have to choose between happiness and writing just sucks.

Most of all, though, I have no idea where I'm going with this. I've played around, with some interesting results: posts telling you how to do things make me feel like a loser, and posts saying 'we did this today' bore me when I write them. I wanted to start a travel blog but I feel like a bragger instead of offering something useful. (I think with that I just need to sit on it and think about what I want it to be before I send it out into the worldwide wilderness.)

Also, some of those things are okay to write about elsewhere. I can offer advice on other websites, talk about travel for a magazine, but here - they just feel a bit weird. Maybe I'm too precious about this little space of mine? Maybe that's a smart thing, maybe not. Whatever.

Another feeling I have is that it should be a bit depressing here. I talked through a lot of stuff here last year, and I know that people appreciated my honesty. Now that things are good, I feel like people might think I'm being fake - but really, I do walk around with a smile most of the time these days. (See? Happy writing sounds suspicious. And boring.)

One thing's for sure: I'm happiest here when I just spill. Tell the stories from my day that are swirling around my head. Happy, sad or in between.

I think I need to try and rescue this place. There's an image in my head of people jumping over sharks* and I don't want that to be the case. The story doesn't end here. Surely?


* 'Jump the shark' means something has turned to crap. Click here if you don't get it!

Team Family

Imagine a small team of people, let's say three. (Bear with me here, this does go somewhere...)

A team has its own dynamics, people shift into their roles. The team finds its footing, in a series of trial and error actions that help them discover the best way to achieve their goals.

Now imagine that one member of the team (let's call this one 'P1') is often absent. It doesn't matter where they are; they could be off doing outside tasks for the group, but if they aren't there then the dynamics of the team shift again. The remaining members take on different roles to cover P1's absence.

Add to that the thought that another team member ('P2') is also absent at times, usually when P1 is back within the team. So the core group becomes two, with one usually away elsewhere. There's only one team member ('C') who is always there, having to deal with the others changing things around.

What happens to the group with all these changes? How do P1 and P2 adjust to being back within the team environment after working solo for a while? How does C, the reliable one who's always there, cope with the ins and outs of the others? How would C respond to them coming back?

This, my friends, is family life.

Aiming to work as a team to achieve an ultimate goal - Parent 1 (P1) and Parent 2 (P2) raising a child (C). But how often do they work together on this?

I have a theory, based on my time working in an office last year. See, after my days working I'd struggle to adjust back to family life. After full days elsewhere, with large chunks of time working quietly and in solitude, coming home to chatter and story-reading and game-playing and cleaning and organising was very overwhelming.

Each week, it took me a couple of days to adjust back to it all and find my rhythm again.

I see this with Steve, too. He works odd hours, so one week he could be home lots and the next we'll hardly see him (and often this is due to work plus other activities he does). On occasions where it's the latter, I've noticed how awkward our family feels, like it's hard for him to step back in. By that stage, Abbey and I have created our own routines and dynamics - it's hard for us to let that go, and it's hard for Steve to feel part of it.

My theory is that the longer you're away from home, the harder it is to be back here again.

The goal-posts shift, we start the struggle to find our roles again, and by the time we settle back into them... the working week starts again.

From Abbey's perspective, she struggles a bit when she doesn't see one of us much for a while. She's always here, needing to be parented and looked after, and she's very noticeably at her happiest when the three of us are together. One complete team.

Right now, Steve and I are working to make that a reality as much as possible. We've each had to sacrifice some things for that goal, so that we can be the parents we want to be - and mostly so that our girl feels part of a stable home.

Do you notice the team struggle? How do you make it work?

Mottos to a simple life

Life here these days is pretty simple, just as I wanted it to be this year. I'm clear-headed, focused and loving life. It's the first time in my life I haven't felt 'busy', and I don't think it's a coincidence that this is the time I'm also as happy, fit and healthy as I've ever been.

Here are some mottos I'm living by now:

Care for yourself. Health is everything, and the rest will follow.

Move. Walk and exercise every day; feel free and strong.

Sleep when you're tired. Don't push through it.

Parent like it's your life, not a job.

Speak up. When things are good, talk about them. When they're bad, keep talking.

Laugh with your kids, your partner, your friends and by yourself. Just 'cause.

Eat fresh foods. Indulge sometimes; no one ever died from a chocolate overdose.

Shrug. It doesn't matter. It really, really doesn't.

Love your family. They're your people, not your enemies.

Kiss, hold hands, make love. Make love real.

Trust your instincts. They're there to look out for you.

Contribute to your community, whether it's with money or time, or both.

Breathe real outside air as often as you can.

Dream. Big, crazy, awesome dreams.

Work as you need to, or as you have a burning desire. Don't become addicted to it.

Want less. Stuff doesn't add anything real to your life.

Live cheaply. Don't create bills where they aren't necessary.

Save, spend only the money you have, and spend it on important or fun stuff. Debt is evil.

Holiday as often as you can, just to live.

Have fun. It's not hard.

Be comfortable. Life sucks with sore feet, no matter how pretty the heels.

Inspire and be inspired. Live your emotions.

Act. Be a you who makes stuff happen, not a passive version.

Be present. Ever seen a sad hippy? That's because they know their stuff.

Let the preschool games begin

My little girl has started preschool, and she loves it. LOVES it.

She's told me so every day since she started. (Apart from one afternoon of sorrow at not being old enough to go to school.)

It all kicked off with her choosing a leaf from the ground on our walk to her first day. "I'll give this to another kid," she declared. The gift was offered to one little girl, who looked away quickly. The next little girl to walk through the gate was the next potential recipient - and she accepted the offering with delight. Then Abbey tickled her. An immediate friendship was formed.

I love the way kids handle this stuff. While their parents stand around awkwardly smiling at other parents and not really knowing what to say or how to spark up new friendships, the little ones get straight to the point.

I tried to give my girl a kiss goodbye, and she maneuvered away from me as she painted. (She's in a kiss-hating stage, and to get one I have to kiss her while she sleeps.)

Later, as we walked along the path home, she chattered non-stop. "I painted, and then I played outside on the swing and in the sand and a boy told me I'm not a big girl so I said, 'No thanks I don't like that!' but he said it again so I told the teacher."

One big thing I've noticed is how her play has changed since she's started at kindergarten. Using her dolls and soft toys, she's playing lots of classroom-style games. The chatter of most imaginative play has been around figuring out what to do when someone does something she doesn't like, or being told what to do, or having to remember to wear her hat outside. It's her own way of sorting through this new routine in her mind.

It's a fascinating, and fun, next stage of her childhood. I can't wait to see how this year unfolds for her.

Turning writing into a business

When I decided to try and turn freelance writing into my business, rather than writing as a hobby and focusing on my corporate career, I had to change my way of thinking. It's only a pretty recent mind shift, but thanks to some great advice and a short course, I'm on my way.

When my business brain kicks into gear, it all becomes logical to me. So I'm doing my best to take the personal side out of writing (the freelance side of writing, anyway) and using my business sense.

Here's what I've learned so far about turning writing into a business...

Take away the emotion - nothing about this is personal. A rejection doesn't mean the editor doesn't like you, a request for a redraft doesn't mean they hate your writing; it's just a matter of them doing what's best for their magazine.

Perseverance is the winner. If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again. At the very least, it will show an editor that you're a hard worker, full of good ideas, and really keen to get into their publication.

Treat it like a normal sales transaction. The editor is the customer, purchasing a product (a piece of writing) from your business. And good business sense dictates that The Customer Is Always Right.

Say it again: The Customer (Editor) Is Always Right. Even if you hate that they're saying you have to rewrite or change some parts of your piece, say 'No worries at all, I'll get that back to you shortly.'

Learn. Take the opportunity to learn from what the editor tells you. You might have throught your piece was perfect (after all, that's why you sent it through) but if they have feedback for you take it on board. It will only make your writing better.

A 'no' is better than silence. A 'no' is actually what I think of as the start of a conversation, and I reply to that no with a polite thank you, and perhaps a question or two - it really engages them in dialogue and helps them get to know you and you get to know what they're looking for.

Silence, though, is not the end. Follow up is my least favourite part of this business, but it's very important. In any other business, you wouldn't send out a brochure and shrug if you didn't hear back from anyone - you'd follow up.

Seek support. Join a writing group, connect with other writers online, take part in a forum, or ask an experienced writer for advice or mentorship. People are generous; just ask. And a little support goes a long way to getting your mind into gear.

Goals are important. Whether you write them down or have them in your head, have some goals and do whatever it takes to get there.

Marketing is important. You wouldn't run any business without promoting it in some way, so use whatever resources you have (and can dedicate time to): blogs, social media, a working portfolio, and your most important asset: YOURSELF.

Dig deeper. I've felt a bit down a few times already after rejections, thinking that was the best idea I could possibly think of for that publication. But no, it wasn't. Dig deeper and you'll surprise yourself.

Educate yourself. Invest in some great courses to help yourself learn as much about this industry as possible.

Make it happen. Just do it.

Summer

Fun. Sunshine. Smiles. Happiness.

Life, it's good.

Better than good.

This is what we should be telling all the kids in our lives

My little girl is due for her final check with the Maternal & Child Health Nurse next month, when she'll be three-and-a-half. I won't be taking her.

At all her baby checks we talked about how beautifully chubby she was. How healthy and clever and gorgeous and wonderful... all the usual gushy mother stuff. Then when she turned two, the conversation turned suddenly - to body mass indexes and obesity. A two-year-old. TWO!

Sure, she was still chubby. Yes, she was still above average in her weight (and also height, but that was never mentioned). Not once was I asked about her diet or activities or lifestyle. It was straight to the talk of BMI.

At the time, many people told me I was silly to have a problem with that. They're just trying to do their best to ensure obesity levels reduce, they'd say. Mums need to know this stuff.

I disagreed, and I still do.

By talking this way, the message is that we should be raising skinny kids. Not healthy, happy, intelligent, well-rounded (in life skills, I mean!) kids. Skinny.

They're saying it isn't important that my daughter has a balanced diet, that she's the healthiest child ever, that she's so active she'll walk anywhere with us, or that she's the happiest kid in the history of kids. They're saying they've forgotten what mums for hundreds of years have known: that a little chubbiness in a baby, toddler or child will set them up well for a good growth spurt. They're saying that being skinny would have been better than any of that.

I checked the graph in the health book the other day. I put my little girl's current weight and height into it, and when I saw that she's still in the 'above average' weight bracket, I made the decision not to take her for the check. (Although you should know that if I had any health concerns I'd take her to our family doctor; any developmental concerns and I'd be having those seen to as well.) I just don't want to have the conversation.

I don't think that a three-year-old needs to hear about her weight either. What she needs to hear are the things I tell her every day: that she's clever and kind and funny and beautiful. That we love her. That's it. It's our job as parents to monitor her health and happiness. It's her role as a kid to just have fun.

It scares me so much, that this focus on anti-obesity is turning so far the other way that weight is the foremost issue in people's minds. That's scary stuff. You think body image for young girls has been bad in the past? Wait for our kids to hit that age.

When I was about eight, I started worrying about my size. And I can tell you with absolute certainty that if anyone had spoken to me about diets or obesity or that fat equals bad, I would have plunged into some dark places. Of course, if there are health concerns they need to be addressed, for kids and adults alike, but let's focus on that keyword: HEALTH. Not how we look.

I recently had a chat to an eleven-year-old girl who told me she was on a diet. I gave her my usual anti-diet rant, and I told her she's perfect. (I also told her that if anyone ever tells her she's fat, to tell me and I'd beat them up. Before realising I'd just promoted violence. Ah well, you can't win them all.) I hope that she not only believes me, but hears it from so many people that she'll have no choice but to believe it.

That's what kids need to hear - from mums, dads, aunties, friends, everyone.

So the next child you see, please tell them how 'just right' they are. In a confusing world that's obsessed with so many things, they need some positivity.