The brag book

It went from silence - pretending everything is wonderful all the time - to a few refreshing things here and there about what life is really like.

Now, we've travelled to the other side. The point where it seems cool to talk about how badly you're doing.

Went for a run today and cleared your head? You're a smug bragger.

Stayed home and threw things while guzzling a bottle of wine? COOL!

(When we all know most of us actually do a bit of both.)

I'm getting a bit over it. I know it's great to have a laugh at ourselves on the days we fall apart a bit, and I'm all for letting things fall in a heap every so often. Sometimes it's important to feel that.

But I want to hear about the good stuff too, I want to hear more of that again. I want to soak up the knowledge that when I fall down the hole for a bit I can come crawling back out again.

What I'm saying is, when you do something that's good for you - shout it from the rooftops. It's a good thing, not something to hide. Brag away!

I'll begin:

This week I let the cravings take control of me. I spent a day eating nothing but sweets and packaged foods - and by that night I wasn't feeling too great. Overnight, my skin was literally burning hot and itchy, and I woke feeling grumpy.

So I turned it around. The last few days I've taken control again - the cravings are still there, I just say no to them, or convince myself my cravings are for other things. It's back to fresh foods here, with the highlight being breakfasts (surely if you start the day healthily, it sets the tone?). The picture above is of a delicious toasted muesli I made to redeem myself from the bad eating.

Your turn. It can be anything: food, exercise, taking a step towards a dream, a great parenting moment, doing something for yourself - anything. What do you want to brag about?

Last night I was a 'real' mum

Last night I did something mums are supposed to do.

I was late to meet friends because I had to put my daughter to bed first.

I've never done this. Usually I'm the one running out of the house with a quick, 'Bye!' and within about three seconds I'm in my car with the music louder than is suitable for a child's little ears. I just really enjoy going out alone, being someone other than a mum for a few hours. (Why do I feel the need to now say I really love being with my family, too? Of course I do.)

It's like going away for weekends with friends, which I've done a few times since she was born. I watch other mums call their husbands and kids throughout the weekend, I see them worrying, and I hear in their voices that they miss their kids so much it hurts. Its the only time I feel guilty about leaving my family: when I see others miss theirs, and I notice that I don't do the same. There's a slight guilt when they pull me up on it.

Sometimes it feels like a mother's worth is measured by how much she aches for her children (before getting home and within five minutes wishing she was away again).

I don't know exactly why (although I have an idea), but Abbey has been quite clingy to me the last week or two. This is really unusual for her - and I think it's because of that I have a real urge to just snuggle her up and go into protective mother mode. When someone who's 'tough' lets down their guard, you know it's something important.

So last night, I read stories with her and tucked her into bed - before sneaking out quietly. I even waited until I was out the driveway before turning the music up. And I did something else I've never done: texted when I got there to make sure all was okay at home.

Weird, but all that worrying and phone-checking kind of made me feel like a 'real' mum.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.

Being three

My beautiful girl is edging closer and closer to four, with her birthday just over two months away.

It's been an amazing year. She's learnt so much, grown up a lot, and is the most delightful person to be around. Lots said two would be 'terrible'. I loved it. Then they said three would be difficult. It's been wonderful. I just take her for what she is in the moment - which can mean so many things.

Being three is:

Being brave and strong, but occasionally falling to pieces with fragility.

Loving life so much you excitedly announce, 'Look! It's morning!' every day - and you can't think of anything worse than sleeping.

Learning all the tricks to delaying bedtime.

Confidently announcing, 'Everyone loves me.'

Learning who you are and refusing to be led into things you don't want to do, even by those you admire most.

Talking so much you can't stop until your eyes finally float shut at the end of the day.

Asking questions about everything. EVERYTHING.

Discovering that your parents don't always know best, and letting them know with an exasperated, 'I'm FINE.'

Arguing and negotiating, to the point where you'll even argue about whether or not you're actually arguing.

Expanding your world: seeing how others behave, trying different approaches yourself, and getting to know the types of people you want to be friends with.

Being so busy that taking 30 seconds to go to the loo is sometimes too much to ask.

Calmly accepting big things thrown on you, like becoming a big sister, or missing a birthday party you'd been looking forward to. But if anyone gives you the 'wrong' spoon with which to eat a snack - watch out.

Doing 'big kid' things like sleeping without a dummy, doing everything possible yourself, and demanding privacy.

Feeling despair that you can't read, wishing you could go to school, and desperately trying to keep up with the older kids.

Trying every food put in front of you - until you're around others when you then declare the herbs must be removed one-by-one from your dinner.

Being shocked when your parents don't give in to demands. (See above.)

Finding whatever is around the corner so exciting you almost can't bear it.

A fresh start ahead

When my baby is born in October, I want a fresh start.

I've been carrying a lot around for the last three years. My entire life has changed and it's been pretty hard to come to terms with some of it.

I used to talk about my 'bad year', with all the words to describe it. Except one.

A label shouldn't matter, except that it helps me confront this with the seriousness it deserves, and needs. All the same, 'Depression' is a label I feel some shame in carrying around.

What I'm focusing on is taking steps to confront it head on: I'm educating myself about it, researching and talking about what it means, and figuring out how to avoid it happening again.

That's the key for me. Although I feel weird about admitting I experienced post-natal depression, I need to be able to acknowledge it... and move on.

On to my fresh start.

I don't want this baby born to a mother burdened with 'issues'.

I have a bit of an action plan (of course!), because it's actually pretty tempting to bury my head in the sand rather than think through all this.

I've written some articles about PND, which has given me a reason to delve deeper and research it, and also hopefully help others understand it better too. Most of my focus is on prevention, because I want to be positive about it and give us all hope. (Which is, ultimately, also the cure.)

I'm writing a book - and whether it ever sees a publisher's desk is almost irrelevant. It's important for me to really think about what happened.

I have a list of goals - writing, travelling, adventuring, the things that make me me.

But it's about more than that, more than me. There's one big thing above all else: a feeling that if I can rise above this, that if I can help others rise too, we can do wonders in this world.

I want to finish my action plan before October so that I can put it behind me and have a fresh start with my beautiful family.

And so that together, we can live the next few years (and beyond) with everything we have.

25 weeks. And what will happen if one more person tells me how big I am.

25 weeks. If one more person says I'm huge I
won't be held responsible for my actions...

"Oh my god! Your stomach has grown again! You're HUGE! ENORMOUS! You make a whale look tiny! If an elephant stood next to you it would feel petite! Honestly, I've never seen anyone bigger!"

The woman stood tall, put her hands on her hips (which must be in there somewhere) and brought herself back to a state of absolute calmness. She listened as the exclamations continued, and focused her attention on one thing.

The other - the one with the big mouth - was too busy talking and staring at the expanding waist region to notice. She didn't see the other woman's foot until it was just millimetres from her mouth. She drew her breath in shock and tried to form a scream, but by then it was too late.

The one with the belly stood there for a moment, hands still on imaginary hips and one leg extended with yoga-like gracefulness.

"Want me to remove the foot from your mouth yet?" she smiled.

Taking a hatchback 4WDing

We have a 4WD in our family... but what's the fun in that? If you want to play in the mud in a car, why not try something a bit smaller and less fitted out for such an occasion?

Here's how it works:

Step 1: Park the Mazda3 in mud. Just a tiny bit too far forward, with your front wheels in the mud. Being a front-wheel-drive, when you try to leave the wheels will spin.

Step 2: Try to get out of the situation by getting yourself further in. As in, heading down a dry-looking track into the forest. (Alarm bells start to ring in your head, but ignore those.) Here, you just need to do a six-point turn to point yourself back up the hill... and then get stuck in more mud. (Turns out it wasn't as dry as it looked.)

Step 3: Call husband, only to find he (and the 4WD) are well over the other side of the city. He offers to call a friend to help, and you sink slightly with embarrassment.

Step 4: Recover some pride and attempt to get yourself out. Moving big branches, making run-ups of dry bark for the front tyres, you feel rather proud of yourself and start to make some progress, until...

Step 5. Random man appears and starts ordering instructions. You listen and end up scratching and denting your car against a pole, and stuck further back in even more mud. Pretend your husband is about to turn up, which makes random unhelpful (but well-meaning) man leave.

Step 6. Be rescued by a friend. Slightly embarrassed, but still can't stop laughing at the whole situation. Ensure you explain you were nearly out until a man got you stuck further. (It's very important to exaggerate this part to make yourself sound less idiotic.)

Step 7. Drive AWAY from the mud. Quick.

As my Mum (who was in the car with me at the time) said afterwards: 'You're such a good mum, Megan, to go to such lengths to give Abbey such fun adventures!'

I'm running with that.

Give me a good argument

I love disagreeing with people.

I love it when they disagree with me. (In an infuriating kind of way, because obviously I'm always right.)

I really enjoy a good argument. Like, REALLY enjoy it.

I think they're healthy. I like hearing other perspectives, different sides to the story that I might not have otherwise considered. I like discussing things and I love nothing more than honesty.

Most of the time, though, I just keep my mouth shut. I've come to realise that most people don't feel the same about disagreements as I do.

A lot of people find it disconcerting to have someone say they're disagreed with. It gets people's guards up and they shut down, the fear of not being right overtaking any chance of a real debate. We all have our moments like this, but some find the whole idea of it really confronting.

Words like, 'Lighten up' or 'Let's agree to disagree' or just a shrug close off any chance of a conversation where either person might have their mind opened, or at the very least use their brain to talk through an issue.

So I say, let's bring in an open disagreement agreement - a world where we can (respectfully) air our opinions and not be shot down or waved away.

Let's argue!

As I often say - it isn't called confrontation, it's called conversation.

What do you think? Agree or disagree?

How to make camping in winter fun

Camping in winter, in the high country. 'You're crazy!' was the main thing people said when I told them.

Sorry people, but I think life is too sheltered these days. When it's cold we hide inside with our heaters on. In the heat we hide inside with the cooling on. It has to be the perfect, average, middle of the range day for anyone to get out in it.

There's nothing like getting out in the weather to feel like you're really part of this world.

Here's how we make camping in the cold not just bearable, but enjoyable:

A large campfire - a separate one was used for much of the cooking so that we could keep this one big and hot for warmth.

Layers. I slept in a -5 rated sleeping bag, tucked inside a -2 rated sleeping bag, topped with a blanket, while wearing two pairs of socks, pyjama pants, a t-shirt, a long Merino wool top, a jumper, a beanie, the hood from my jumper and the hood from the two sleeping bags. All the while cuddling a hot water bottle. (See? Not so hard to stay warm in below zero temperatures all night!)

Meanwhile, our little girl took a disliking to her (new) sleeping bag and slept in just her singlet and pyjamas. She had a few big moments during the night where she loudly objected to wearing socks or a blanket, too. The kid's made TOUGH! I had to wait until she fell asleep to sneak blankets onto her. And then bribed her the second night to make her sleep in her sleeping bag.

A quick set-up. This is the latest addition to our camping gear: an Oz Tent, known for being set up in 30 seconds. Which means that there's less time setting up and more time sitting by the campfire.

Great food. When we camp we don't eat typical camping food - oh no, the menu planning is the biggest fun in the lead-up to a trip. This time we ate slow cooked lamb shanks in a tomato chilli sauce, with roast venison and roast lamb the following night. Lunch was freshly made flat bread with homemade dips, cheeses, salamis and seared salt and pepper calamari. Not to mention the chocolate self-saucing pudding and apple crumble with custard. Oh yes.

The Dandenong Ranges: the best family things to do

The Dandenong Ranges is an undeniably beautiful spot. If it weren't I wouldn't have lived here for twenty years. Just 35km from Melbourne, it's a well-travelled path for day-trippers from the inner suburbs; in the hills they enjoy the relaxed feel, the beautiful scenery, relatively little traffic, delicious food and cute shops. But the standard daytrip - a drive up the Mt Dandenong Tourist Road, afternoon tea at the famous tearooms, well, it's a little bit yawn-worthy for families.

Let me talk you through the hidden gems (and the worthwhile of the famousy things) of the Dandenong Ranges.

Outdoors

To get the most out of any trip to the hills, you have to head outside. Breathe in that fresh air, feel the breeze from the gum trees – and maybe even have a daring adventure:

Trees Adventure in Belgrave has only been here for a couple of years and caused quite the stir with locals. It's great fun, and kids from the age of five can join in adventuring through the tops of some of the Dandenong Ranges' oldest trees. (You'll need to book ahead, so head to their website and phone or email before driving up.)

Puffing Billy is the biggest name in the hills, and it deserves the reputation. Take the train ride from Belgrave to Emerald for a fantastic day out. You’ll enjoy the views and the kids will love sitting in the train’s window… just don’t forget to let yourself be a kid for a while too. Not that I'd do such a thing of course. Oh wait...

Take a walk in the Dandenong Ranges National Park to really experience this area. There are heaps of walks to do, but some of the best short walks depart from Grant’s Picnic Ground (a spot to avoid, other than to park for a walk, unless you’re into queuing to feed birds) and the Upper Ferntree Gully entrance to the national park. For a really short walk that's beautiful, head up to Olinda Falls.

The gardens of the Dandenong Ranges are well worth seeing, and make stunning locations for a picnic. The picks of the crop are the Alfred Nicholas Gardens (make sure you walk down to the lake) and the Cloude Hill lookout.

Meals

Afternoon tea in the hills has become a tradition for many. Which is lovely, if you're mad for a scone or two. I say give it a miss to find some other great spots that are a little off the tourist radar:

Cooks Corner, in the gorgeous little town of Kallista, is a new favourite eatery among locals. The food is amazing - fresh, local where possible, and with a beautiful outlook over the forest. And it's kid friendly - not in a 'we have a token kids menu' kind of way, but in a really welcoming 'we have toys and activities for them' way. (What? Good food AND a kids area? That alone is worth the drive!)

Kelly’s is the best pub meal in the hills. With a fireplace for the cooler weather, boutique beers on tap and all the best pub standard meals plus some more exotic offerings, this is a great place to come with the family or with a few friends to spend some time. We've been known to while away many a winter's afternoon here.

Coonara Springs is good for a child-unfriendly night out. Great food (you can choose your sauces and meats separately) and beautiful views.

Best drives

When visitors come up the hill for a day, most of them take the traditional route: a drive up the Mt Dandenong Tourist Road. Take the road a little less travelled to find some amazing scenery through the national park:

Monbulk Road is, in my opinion, the best drive in the hills. It’s right in the midst of the national park so you’ll have a great outlook over the forest as you take the short drive between Belgrave and Monbulk.

Sherbrooke Road is another great drive (but don’t do this if you’re uncomfortable on windy roads; it has some of the hills’ sharpest bends), and will take you from Kallista over to the Tourist Road.

Belgrave-Ferny Creek Road is one of the steepest options, but it’s beautiful. The top of the road winds down from the Tourist Road through the forest, ending up right in the township of Belgrave.

Olinda-Monbulk Road offers beautiful views around bendy roads, with lots of restaurants along the way.

Shopping

Let’s be honest: shopping isn't the big drawcard to the hills. But a little retail therapy never goes astray. Here’s where you’ll find the best the hills has to offer:

The shops of Sassafras are very cute, so spend some time strolling. If you love tea, clothes, ice-cream, plants, antiques, old-fashioned toys (Gepetto’s Workshop has become a hills institution) or a mixture of all of the above, you’ll enjoy the stores in this touristy town.

Kallista has some good options too: antiques, toys, organic food and a market every Sunday.

GO!

Falling into my family

I always imagined my family in the background of my life.

Like, I'd be a footy player and they'd be the audience sitting back watching me kick goals.

*

Sometimes I sneak up on myself.

Fine, fine, fine, fine... BANG. And there it is.

I've been writing a lot of things here to help my mind put it all together. To convince myself.

I was never happier than when I found out I was pregnant. Since then it's been a spiral of losing control.

I saw another mum at kinder the other day, a woman who a couple of weeks before was carrying a baby inside her. This time she had a pusher. I saw her eyes, so overwhelmed by life.

New life does that. It's so precious and simple that the pace of the older lives around us becomes frightening.

I remember that from when I had Abbey.

And I feel it now.

An urge to just run from everyone and hide away with my little family.

Maybe get some control back.

Or maybe the whole point is to learn to free-fall even further.

BANG.

*

I often say that I took a jump a few years back and that I'm still free-falling.

I'm not a footy player, running on the safety of grassy ground, with a few knocks every so often, kicking goals that are guaranteed to be there.

I'm a skydiver, not knowing what the hell is coming up beneath me.

When I say I took a jump and that I'm free-falling, maybe what I mean is I'm falling into my family.

Becoming part of them.

Believing

I don't believe in battles. I believe in instinct.

I don't believe that motherhood is a job. It's a life.

I don't believe in gender equality. I believe in people. I believe in difference.

I don't believe that parenting is for one's enjoyment. It's for giving it your all.

I don't believe in quality time. Just time.

I don't believe in confrontation. Just conversation.

I don't believe in diets or scales. I believe in feeling good.

I don't believe in niceties or small talk. I believe in real conversation.

I don't believe in secrecy. I believe in honesty.

I don't believe in drudgery. It's all about adventure and passion.

I don't believe in running away. I believe in bravery.

I don't believe it's hard. I think the secret of life is in its simplicity.