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To me, the world is black and white.
There is no grey.
There are no shadows.
Not in my world.
In my world, everything is crystal clear.
After a lifetime of people telling me that I need to learn to see the grey, I'm ready to accept that it just doesn't exist in my world.
I wonder if I see things differently, or if others just hide this same feeling. Maybe you could tell me. Here's how my world works:
Something is either right or wrong. There is no in between.
If someone does something right - fantastic. If they do something wrong, they need to be told. If I do something wrong, I want to be told. How else can I understand that I've hurt someone? How else can I make myself a better person who doesn't make the same mistake again?
In my world, there are no excuses.
I hear this phrase a lot: 'Oh, that's just [insert name here]. That's what she/he does.' Well, when that 'thing they do' is lying or treating others badly, that's not acceptable to me.
If it's right, it's right. If it's wrong, it's wrong.
White or black.
No grey.
I take no notice of ranks or titles. Everyone deserves the same treatment.
I don't care who you are, whether you think you are more important than someone else. In my world, you're not. In my world, you're another person who deserves to be treated well, just like the next person.
I expect the best from people. When I say that, I mean I expect people to be polite, respectful and do the right thing by others. I don't just want that; I expect it.
I have high expectations of myself and everyone around me.
And when my expectations aren't met, my world comes crashing down around my feet.
When people act in a way I think is wrong - whether it's to me or to someone else - I fall. I begin to doubt my world. I want to hide from it, to run away.
I take it hard.
That's when people tell me to relax, to not let things bother me, to ignore it. I say, no. I say, this is me. I feel like I have been let down and I really feel that.
I want to tell that person they are in the wrong. I want other people to stand up and tell that person, too. Some call it confrontational. I say, it's only considered confrontation because it's avoided by so many people. If they didn't avoid it, it would just be called talking. Communication does not equal confrontation.
I say, stop ignoring things, stop being so bloody blase about everything. Start to care. Start to expect more from the world. Come into my world.
Then, I see someone do the right thing, and I know it's okay. I'm happy.
I want to live in my world again.
Black and white. There is nothing in between.
Megan
I think there are times when things are dedinately black and white. There are times when things are just wrong and there should be no way around it. When one thinks it is black and the other thinks it is white, this is when you get the shades of grey. Differene of opinion makes the grey. ( thats in my world)
ReplyDeleteMy husband is like that. All black and white and no grey. In my world, everything is grey. This is quite possibly the cause of most of our arguments. He values being right more highly than I do.
ReplyDeleteNot that I don't have high expectations of people. I've been known to be referred to as demanding from time to time.
But in my world everything is a whole lot more complicated than right or wrong, black or white. Although I like the sound of your world too.
Thanks for being so honest and for making me think with this post, Megan. xxx
ReplyDeleteI think I see shades of grey in my world. I feel that sometimes people do or say things that are not nice for other reasons other than they are being plain nasty. Don't get me wrong: terrible people exist. But I find sometimes people aren't nice because there's an underlying reason. Are they angry? Jealous? Did something happen that day to put them out of sorts? Doesn't make bad behaviour right, but I like to think there could be another reason why they are that way.
:)
Wow - this is a very thought provoking post. My world has the full spectrum: white; many, many shades of grey; all the way through to black. To me, this is just part of the human condition, and comes about primarily from differences in perception, which in turn are influenced by our upbringing, our culture, our gender, the lessons we have learned in life, as well as underlying reasons as Jodie mentioned. Don't get me wrong, I think communication is essential, and if I had hurt or offended someone I would definitely want to know so that I could avoid it in future (or explain my point of view), but what hurts one person may not bother the next. But it takes all sorts right? What we see is usually coloured by what we have already seen.......
ReplyDeleteHmm, Megan. :)
ReplyDeleteI think I'm wired like you. I definitely saw things this way when I was younger. I've been really hurt and really let down by people who "should" do better and in order to get through life I think I had to adjust to seeing things as grey. There'd be no way that I could get through it if I didn't let their actions seem grey to me if that makes sense. BUT my own sense of morality what I intrinsically know to be right or wrong is what guides me through life and that most definitely is black and white. My Mum jokes often that I was born knowing who I was and what I would and wouldn't do and I think that's been my guide through life. I guess it's my reaction to when people disappoint me that has forced my world view to become a bit more grey. That and I SUCK at confrontation in every possible way. So, I'm in and out of your world. Thought provoking as always.
Megs, I call it accountability. People need to be accountable for their actions - and so many are NOT.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I have spent a lifetime calling people to be accountable.
Alas, many a time, it has backfired. On me. That's because those who don't hold themselves accountable can also be manipulative and cruel - and if you call them on things, their only reaction is to cause you more pain. These people rarely think of the impact they have on others...
Over the years I have learned to let go of my expectations. Let me rephrase that - I still EXPECT. I cannot have it any other way. But when these expectations aren't met, I don't let it phase me as much as it used to.
It's not that I've given up or am lowering my expectations... it's that not all people have the depth and honour to meet decent expectation - or hold themselves accountable... that much I have learned. And some never will. And frankly, I release them to live that miserable life... and disappear from affecting mine.
I do so most gladly. And I hope that you, my dear, gorgeous and heartfelt soul - can also do this gladly.
x
Ooh, I like Tania's response about accountability. I'm one who has a strong internal sense of personal ethics and I have held people to be accountable for their actions, because I've felt it's the right thing to do, even when there's been a considerable backlash.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I do think that while there are things that are clearly right and wrong, there are plenty of shades of grey. Communication is important in unravelling those shades.
It sounds like you have a strong humanitarian streak and care deeply about the well being of others, which is so beautiful. We need more people in this world who hold those priorities. xx
I've always been told that I'm a black and white person. As if that was somehow wrong. I can't help it, it's either right or wrong. But with age and experience I've learnt that not everyone has the same right and wrong. And that's where grey comes in. We all have different values. Some of us have similar values and it is with those that we hopefully get to hang out. The others, I let fall by the wayside. One day I'll figure out a way of figuring out a person's rights and wrongs. Even when you think you know somebody, you can be blindsided by a sudden discovery that what you have always thought is wrong, is acceptable to them....
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
Sometimes things are clearly right or wrong. But most situations are more complicated than that. I've judged people harshly in the past and years later realised that maybe, they had good reasons for doing what they did and maybe, I'd do the same if I was in their shoes. I am not so quick to jump the gun anymore. Lots of grey in my world.
ReplyDeletei think while the colours of my world tend to blur a bit out on the edges, i agree with what you say in this context. it's called integrity.
ReplyDeletei have had to live in the same grey zones as most of us most of my life, but what really annoys me is when people say to me that i am BLUNT, when i am just saying things as they are. they make up extra excuses for me too, depending of what they know, that it's some kind of of heritary genetic syndrom (i am german)or that it's due to what 'happened to me' (some bad stuff indeed). but the fact is, that you either have it in you or not and i just don't feel myself when i wind like a fish not to upset anybody. and it hardly ever serves the situation.
tact is fine , but life would be so much easier if people would just call a dog a dog, or whatever.
great post. :)
Love this Megan. And I understand. I'd love to hear your perspective on how to raise a black and whtie child. I have one. And she is precious and justice is so important to her. But it's hard to explain the world to her sometimes. That's it not black and white. It's pretty much all grey. And while I don't want to change her view I do want her to understand that she will NOT be able to make sense of the world... because it IS grey.
ReplyDelete