Making my sad song better

Although it was never diagnosed, I'm pretty sure I experienced depression a few years ago after having my first daughter. Now that the worst is behind me it doesn't even really matter if it was that or not - it helps to give it a name, to make it a more tangible thing that I can see coming and shoo away.

A year ago, with the birth of my second child imminent, I set myself a challenge: to prevent it from happening again. So I wanted to look back and see how I've gone, and to think about what's worked for me - because things are going well and I want to keep it that way.

It's impossible to find any one thing that made me find what was missing. There's no ultimate answer, and even now I find myself slipping on occasion. I think it's something I'll always have to stay on top of. Sometimes it's tempting to just let it wash back over me, and then I remember the numbness and I know I can't go back there. Here's what I've come up with - the things I do when I feel myself slipping. Maybe it will help some of you, too?

Asking for help. Above anything else, I felt bitter for quite a while that no one helped me back then. I felt like I was screaming out to everyone around me and they ignored my pleas - of course, that wasn't the case. Now, I tell them very directly. I'll say to my husband, "I'm struggling this week and I need you to help me." He always does.

Talking to friends. I have never had another mum say they've never felt like this before. To some extent, most of us seem to have experienced some kind of darkness. And knowing that the intelligent, outgoing, lovely women I call my friends have been there has been a huge factor in helping me, well, forgive myself.

Writing. I have no doubt that my writing helped me through. The blog posts and articles I've written on this topic have helped me research what happened to me, and when others said "me too" I felt less alone. When I wrote things that stayed just for me, it helped to give myself a voice. And when I wrote on other topics I found some joy again, even if it was just while I was distracted for half an hour.

Having my baby. It might sound odd that having a baby helped me get over PND! but having her in the world makes things right. She helped me to know that everything's okay, and her babyhood has reminded me that the first time around was wonderful too - that this shadow didn't blacken everything.

Finding my passions. This took a while, because it just seemed pointless and impossible back then. The only way I can put it is that it took practice, and I had to go through the motions before finding joy in it all over again. Now, I can plan my next trip or go out to take photos with that sense of joy filling me up.

Slowing down. My life doesn't seem slow to those who watch from the outside, but it's certainly more focused than ever. I'm more mindful of what I do and I take in the smaller things, taking time to look forward to what's ahead as well as try to be in the moment. More than that, I really try to make the present somewhere I actually want to be, rather than wishing to escape.

Finding some outlets. Sometimes you just have to cry or vent - you just do. And sometimes you read some words that help, or find a song that says just what you need it to. The Beatles' Hey Jude is one of those songs for me: the line, "Take a sad song, and make it better" helps me think of this stuff in simple terms. If you're not happy, just make it better.

Getting out. I've been getting out so much more than the first time around, thanks in part to my work but also because now I know how trapped I can feel when I'm home all the time. It's a constant balance, when you're home with kids and work at home too, to be able to get out with the kids and sometimes alone. As for getting out just with Steve, well, one day we'll manage that again!

How do you keep yourself afloat?