When my baby is born in October, I want a fresh start.
I've been carrying a lot around for the last three years. My entire life has changed and it's been pretty hard to come to terms with some of it.
I used to talk about my 'bad year', with all the words to describe it. Except one.
A label shouldn't matter, except that it helps me confront this with the seriousness it deserves, and needs. All the same, 'Depression' is a label I feel some shame in carrying around.
What I'm focusing on is taking steps to confront it head on: I'm educating myself about it, researching and talking about what it means, and figuring out how to avoid it happening again.
That's the key for me. Although I feel weird about admitting I experienced post-natal depression, I need to be able to acknowledge it... and move on.
On to my fresh start.
I don't want this baby born to a mother burdened with 'issues'.
I have a bit of an action plan (of course!), because it's actually pretty tempting to bury my head in the sand rather than think through all this.
I've written some articles about PND, which has given me a reason to delve deeper and research it, and also hopefully help others understand it better too. Most of my focus is on prevention, because I want to be positive about it and give us all hope. (Which is, ultimately, also the cure.)
I'm writing a book - and whether it ever sees a publisher's desk is almost irrelevant. It's important for me to really think about what happened.
I have a list of goals - writing, travelling, adventuring, the things that make me me.
But it's about more than that, more than me. There's one big thing above all else: a feeling that if I can rise above this, that if I can help others rise too, we can do wonders in this world.
I want to finish my action plan before October so that I can put it behind me and have a fresh start with my beautiful family.
And so that together, we can live the next few years (and beyond) with everything we have.
How about rather than starting in October with the fresh start, you make it today. The action plan can be moulded and changed along the way. If you are concerned that PND may rear its ugly help seek a psychologist now, and book in appts for the first fortnight of your babies birth. Just to keep you in track. I have other friends who have done this and swear it was very very useful, one had appointments made for the week of the birth (even if the bub wasn't born) and at 1 2 and 3 months. You can always cancel them.
ReplyDeleteremember to always say Fuck off to the darkness, even if it isn't even there.
help = head!!!
ReplyDeleteI like what Claire has said.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who took years to admit to the word depression, the best thing I did was go and see a psychologist. Best thing ever. Now I have some great tools to help me tell the darkness to fuck off... and I know too that if I need, my therapist is a phone call and a short drive away.
I'm just going back through your posts lovely (clearly) and couldn't agree more with Claire & Naomi who are two of the wisest people ever no? I haven't used that word either and haven't sought the help I should have but somehow being aware of it has made it better this time around. Luca is a harder baby to care for but somehow I'm just doing better with it this time around. Some days are hard but they're not as dark as they were before. The list of goals is important I think...connecting with people honestly and in a real way - your family and your friends is so important. Being honest with yourself though is by far the most important. You're strong, wonderful, clever and incredibly capable. xxx
ReplyDelete