The former requires turning up every day and completing - to a certain extent - a defined set of tasks. You are validated every day, perhaps by having someone agree with your decision, or even just by knowing that the outcome will be a number on your bank account balance. I'm not trying to downplay the struggles of working - for me, a decade of being a young woman pushing her way up the ladder in a male-dominated environment really required each and every bit of confidence I could muster. It's just in a different way to what I do now.
Working for myself is sometimes a bit strange, and it's actually a struggle most days - not in terms of motivation (quite the opposite, I find myself wanting to work too much), but in that confidence.
I have to front up to myself every single day with the belief not just in a job I'm doing, but in the whole business. I need to believe that what I'm doing is worthwhile, that my efforts will pay off, that I'm not wasting my time.
There is no job description, no one to say that this is an important thing to do. There are few consequences if I don't do my work, no company chain to break down if one link fails to show up. It's just me and my self-belief. (And that's the biggest ask of all.) Even if you love what you do, there's an internal battle that asks why you should get to enjoy your day while everyone else struggles away in the 9 to 5 grind.
I haven't
And that's how I know my little business is right for me. When it becomes a vital part of you, you know you're doing the right thing.
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A little aside that's sort of related to my work (drawing a long bow there, aren't I!): remember the car fire drama? It's all sorted now, and we have a 'new-to-us' Landcruiser that's already been out camping twice. It will see us through lots of adventures over the coming years!
So very true lovely. The more I think about it the more I think that balance in any real way is difficult to achieve. I think there is a constant tension between what we are doing and being and that sometimes things are pulled more in one direction than others. Then we feel the "pull" of needing to pay more attention to the other parts of our selves. It's an interesting journey of learning, this life. Ps. So happy to hear the car is sorted!
ReplyDeleteI've worked for myself for about 10 years now. Either running the family business, my own VA business, and now my retail business and writing career. I really wouldn't have it any other way. Actually, I doubt I could ever work for anyone else again! Love what you do, that's the key no matter what. x
ReplyDeleteYou have summed it up beautifully and you can be reassured that you are doing the right thing because people such as myself look forward to receiving anything you post.
ReplyDeleteso true Megan. it's the one thing stopping me from really pursuing my dream job - something I know I'd love doing, would be good at doing, would get me out of "the grind" ... but I don't have the confidence or faith in myself to make it work, and it is really scary going out on your own and giving up that easy weekly paycheck, even if it is sapping your body of it's soul! xo
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