I'm like a high school student wondering what to do when she grows up. Back then it was all about the gap year after high school, an acknowledgement that sometimes you need to stop and just live to gain the clarity of knowing what you want to do next.
Remember the questions people would ask to lead you to the right answer: "What do you enjoy?", "Do you want to study or work?", "What do you want to do with your life?"
Yep, I'm here again. It seems like when you've finished having kids and you can see to a future of less intensive parenting, your mind starts focusing on the "What next?" question. It's like a second chance to grasp that career you always wanted, to stop and plan the next move with a clear(ish) head.
The funny thing is, the answers to those questions are exactly the same as the answers I had back then. If I was to go to uni, I'd do the same course I started at 18. (Adult me is very frustrated that teenage me dropped out!) My instinct was right, I just hadn't learnt to trust it yet.
Back then I followed the safe path. The one that led me to money - not in a greedy way, just in an independent, realistic, "I'm 20 and I'm buying a house and getting married" kind of way.
Now I've stepped off that safe path and taken some risks, and found myself along the route less likely to pay well. But instead of leaving the fears behind me, as I thought I had, I've gained some different ones. These hold me back with a caution that comes with knowing I have limitations (time, family) and a complete drop in confidence.
I know I have strengths, still believe I can do anything I put my mind to - but just struggle to get that across. I'm aware that I've not really lived up to my potential, and that makes me sad.
Right now I have the time and space to sort out my life plans. To acknowledge that I've come part of the way but am still riddled with fears that I need to push through. To look at going back to uni, or finding other ways to skill myself and make it all happen.
I need to use my motherhood gap year wisely.
I feel the same, with my baby 7 months old now I am wondering what to be when I grow up and how to make it happen...
ReplyDeleteYes you do. I have said many times to friends having a baby, remember, once you are back at work, you rarely get another year to just not work and be home with your baby. I am dreading that one day I might have to work full time...but hopefully I never do!
ReplyDeleteWe're in the same boat Megan. From my view, you're doing all the right things. It mightn't feel like it, but you're doing so well. I think we both need to reassess what we perceive as success - right now, success to me is three tired kids in bed at 6.47pm on a school holiday night. All of my story pitches have been knocked back in the past 6 weeks, and it feels crap, but hey - those kids are asleep!
ReplyDeleteThink of your wins - I'm sure you have heaps. Just remember the whole person when you're gauging your own success. xx
It took me 7 years to go back to work after babies. I wouldn't change that time at home for anything. I went back to a job I don't really enjoy, and that was the catalyst for me, to go and study and hopefully get work in the field that actually appeals to me!
ReplyDeleteHaven't got there yet, but I will. And so shall you - in your own time.
Annie
Megan, I'd be happy to have an open career discussion with you if you felt like a chat :) I have qualifications and I work in the industry. Promise. Pip x
ReplyDeleteEver since our youngest was born (and last) I have been facing the big questions of life.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I ever fulfilled any passions that I had after leaving school. I instead got a job, got married, got divorced. Life experience yes, passions fulfilled, no.
It is only in the past 12 months that I've come to be bold enough to follow my truth. It hasn't quite yet paid off but I know it will. It has to.
Looking forward to seeing what you future brings Megan. All good things, I'm sure.
I think this is a journey we all experience. For some it comes earlier in life and for others quite late. I have spent my whole life searching for what I want to do when I grow up. I am all grown up and have realised that it has been there all along. I love to write, it brings me joy, laughter, tears and peace. An ambit of emotions. It's encouraging to know that there are so many people going through the same thing. Here's to dreams.
ReplyDeleteIt's so good to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. Seems like the norm (and I'm so relieved). I've been pondering on what it is that I want to be when I grow up. I too, chose the sensible career when I left school (accountant, anyone?) instead of doing the more creative things which my mother discouraged incredibly. Now, I'm back to thinking about that graphic design course, or interior design. They were always what I wanted to do before. Of course, graphic design courses didn't exist then, like they do now. But I knew I wanted to more with the creative side. Even a florist arranging course.
ReplyDeleteLittle things. Yes, we do need to use this time wisely. Perhaps we will do better next time.
What course didn't you finish? I'm so curious now. xx