Confession: I haven't read Sheryl Sandberg's book, Lean In, because I think it would make my eyes roll so much they might think their new home is in my eyelids and that would be quite annoying.
Maybe because I'm part of another apparent movement: the "opt-out generation".
Although that term makes it sound like we're opting out of life - instead lazing on a beach somewhere while enjoying some mystery income that's spent on nothing but cocktails and massages - it is in fact used to describe those women who leave their careers to care for their children. Because apparently leaving a career equals leaving life behind you, right?
That's how it feels at the time, I'll give them that much. I spent the best part of a decade climbing career ladders, and I was devastated to stop doing that. The following couple of years were hard, the worst I've ever experienced. But it was the depression I had to have. (Oh god, sounding like Paul Keating is a new low.)
They've also been the best years of my life, though, because I learnt so much about myself. I found out I could be the mum I never thought I could be, I discovered I had a business in me to build up, and I found other passions that came from giving myself that space.
Sometimes you have to take a step back, even if - especially if - you're scared of doing it. If you can't face your fears and go through hell to stop that one thing becoming your whole identity, then you're living too safely. Sure, you're "leaning in" to your career and ticking all the boxes, but at what cost? Maybe you have another career in you, maybe you need to take a break, perhaps you have other priorities right at this moment. Maybe, god forbid, your baby is left screaming for you and your heart is broken and you act from pure motherly instinct - is that really so bad?
We're told we shouldn't take that step away from our careers via fear-mongering. If you don't work, you'll be left financially unstable and then you'll be working at 90 years of age! If you stay home, you'll become such a bitter bore that your husband will leave you! If you raise your kids, all they'll do is leave home and then you'll be all alone! If you step out of your career, you'll be gone for ten years and they'll never want you back!
To me, they're just more fears to face head first. Making life choices based on those reasons isn't living; it's surviving to conform.
I choose to "opt out" of crappy generalisations and "lean in" to the life I want. You?
LOVED this!
ReplyDeleteThe whole 'opt out' thing bothers me because it makes it sound like I left something better behind... and I am not sure that I did!
Absolutely brilliant! I'm embarking on a whole new life as a stay at home mum ... and it has opened me up to seeing the world with different eyes. Stepping away from the what was (I admit hard at first) but had I not stopped to raise my children fulltime would I have been given this opportunity to see them grow and allow me to grow and resolve some inner demons ... NO! My journey of the new me us fun and exciting. And im loving it.
ReplyDeleteI was a stay at home mum for years, not joining the workforce until my youngest was in school. Now, I've opted out of working again. Yes, I am financially unstable, but I'm a lot happier.
ReplyDeleteRather than leaning in or opting out, I would like to cartwheel through the days instead.
ReplyDeleteI hear "lean in" and it just makes me think of a lean-to shed. It just does.
ReplyDeleteGod, are we the most self-analytical generation ever? Who honestly cares if women are leaning in, opting out, going up or lying down. I wish we were allowed to do what we felt was right without over-achieving do-gooders psychoanalysing our every move. So, yeah, I completely agree with ya!!! x
Have you ever read I Don't Know How She Does It?
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree! In fact, all those reasons to hurry back into the work force to 'find' your career just leaves me cold. I am often listening to the statistics that confirm women at the top of their game are only a few percent. I know why.
ReplyDeleteThey are choosing the life they want.
What a great post Megan. Truly fabulous.
I could relate to every word of this post. I constantly feel like I should be going back to an office job to bring in a steady income and build my super. We live in a granny flat in my parents' backyard so that we can afford to live our lives in the way that makes us happy (my husband went back to uni to change careers and he's now doing his PhD) and I wanted to be my own boss. Maybe it's just me fearing judgement, but I often feel like people don't understand that we've chosen to opt out because we're happier this way!
ReplyDeleteLoved loved loved loved this.
ReplyDeleteI was a full time mother and then a full time career person trying to fit parenting in. I have lived both worlds and made the decision to be who I am today based on that....
Being more mother than career person is right for me. And I'm delighted by that
I am impressed by the bravery it takes to "opt out." I feel like, this year, I will have some decisions to make regarding my career, possible changes, and how that affects my son. Sometimes it's hard to feel what is right in your gut when fear is there.
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